A little later than planned, but still going. Fifi gets well and truly XXX-rated.
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-7 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
“I can take triple of this,” DaBigBoom said.
“Mmm, that’s good to hear,” Fifi said, “then let’s begin.”
Begin? Weren’t they already beginning?
Her hips came back down and this time DaBigBoom felt his cock plunge into something soft, warm and sinful. Sinful. That was the best word for it. Like he’d just plunged into a cushion of congealed sin. It puffed up inside her and smothered the swollen tip of his cock. A pleasant little tickle crawled across his engorged glans. Fifi pressed downwards and that warm something engulfed the whole of his member, right to the root.
Fuck. He felt like his dick was soaking in every dirty little immoral thought given physical form, every filthy little perverted desire.
“Oh yes,” Fifi sighed.
A gentle little rippling squeeze ran along the length of DaBigBoom’s shaft from the root to the tip. It felt like a soft little tug from a hand entirely made out of honey. DaBigBoom lasted about as long as every perpetually horny teen presented with the real thing for the first time. At least he didn’t feel guilty this time.
“Coming,” he said with a grunt.
He squeezed her ass between his hands and pressed his hips forward. A column of semen rushed up his shaft and erupted into the soft sticky tissue enveloping his twitching manhood. It absorbed his seed like a sponge, like a black hole absorbing light. The sinful organ wriggled and pulsed leisurely around DaBigBoom’s swollen penis while Fifi moaned in delight. DaBigBoom’s cock responded with a series of slow, steady throbs as he emptied his balls into her devilish body.
“That was one,” Fifi said with a smile.
A ghostly red heart bloomed in the air between them and floated upwards into the sky on a spray of smaller spinning red hearts. One hundred and forty appeared above her head in green numerals.
That was one? DaBigBoom thought. His knees were trembling and his fringe was wet with perspiration.
Fifi relaxed her legs and shifted position. She leant forward and let a flap of her wings pull their conjoined hips apart. DaBigBoom’s cock was released from the cushion of super-soft sinful tissue. She nearly let him slide all the way out before her pliable labia squeezed down around the mushroom head of his cock, keeping it inside her heat.
The bulbous tip of her tail pressed up between his arse cheeks. The flanges stuck to his buttocks. The orifice at the centre of her tail nudged against and began to suck on his anus in a sensation that was unexpected but surprisingly pleasant.
Fifi rubbed the tip of her nose against DaBigBoom’s. “Two,” she said.
Her legs folded tightly around his waist. She slid back down his pole and once again DaBigBoom was pushing up against that moist, perversely pliable bulge of tissue at the back of her vagina. His cock never even had a chance to go down before its head was wrapped in a clingy membrane that drew him back into a glob of congealed depravity. Fifi closed her eyes and pulled in her taut midriff. She sucked.
Forbidden pleasures whispered up DaBigBoom’s shaft. His body tensed and he groaned in pleasure as he erupted again. Once again she thoroughly absorbed his issue. The black hole pull of her sex extended down his urethra and into his crotch until DaBigBoom was no longer sure if he was pumping his seed into her, or she pumping it out of him.
Another spectral red heart bloomed in the air between them. A +1 floated up into the sky together with two lots of 220, one green and one white.
That sounded like a lot, DaBigBoom thought. It felt like a lot. His breath came out in ragged gasps. Sweat ran down his body and stained the inside of his jackets. His hair was a soaking mop. Wasn’t he supposed to be a level one k’winny or something? How come he had so many HP?
Fifi shifted her body again. Her internal cushion released DaBigBoom’s cock, but this time not so far. He was still deep inside her, his still-engorged cock pressing lightly against the pliant membrane of the mysterious organ at the end of her pussy.
“Are you okay there?” she asked. Her voice was all light and breezy as if this was just a bit of fun rather than a series of brutal bashes to DaBigBoom’s HP total.
“I’d be enjoying it a lot more if it didn’t take so much out of me,” DaBigBoom panted.
“Oh quit complaining,” Fifi said. “You’ve still got plenty to give.”
Her tail wormed up against his ass. The orifice kissed and sucked on his sphincter in a way that sent shivers of pleasure running up his spine.
Then DaBigBoom heard a crackle. Like static electricity. The flanges of her tail grew warm—hot—against his soft ass cheeks.
DaBigBoom’s eyes widened.
Fifi laughed at his expression.
“I’m not going to blast you,” she said. “That would be gross.”
DaBigBoom was trying not to picture several thousand volts of electricity jolting up into his ass, or imagine what that would do to his colon.
“Men are such fragile little things when it comes to sex. A couple of pops and you’re done. Totally unacceptable. I still have an attack left.”
Her tail orifice sucked his anus open. The bulbous tip of her tail contracted. A warm crackle of energy zinged up his rectal wall and enveloped his prostate gland in a warm glow.
“There, a little help for your prostate,” Fifi said.
DaBigBoom’s mouth fell open. His cock, which had just started to soften, twitched back to aching fullness and nudged up against the sticky trap at the base of Fifi’s vagina.
“Three,” Fifi said.
Back down she came, and back into that soft bubble of concentrated degeneracy DaBigBoom plunged. It felt like the moist organ was whispering indecent suggestions right to his cells, murmurings he could not resist.
Fifi took her hands off DaBigBoom’s sides and brought them back to her own body. She sighed and massaged her heavy boobs as they bobbed back and forth with each thrust of her body. He wasn’t even sure who was supporting who now. Her body tugged and pushed him while her wings flapped harder and faster, working to keep both of them upright.
DaBigBoom had thought he had nothing left. Fifi had other ideas. Her tail continued to pulse pleasant little crackles of energy into DaBigBoom until his prostate—then his balls—felt like they were lit up and glowing.
“Oh yes!” Fifi cried.
Her sex clenched around him, smooshing that soft sinful something against his over-sensitised penis. DaBigBoom groaned and let fly with the biggest ejaculation of the three. Fifi drew the torrents of cum from his body and absorbed it all.
Then she released him. Her tail detached from his ass, her legs uncrossed from behind his buttocks and her vagina dilated. DaBigBoom toppled backwards and fell flat on his back.
Fifi continued to hover for a few moments before elegantly landing back on her naked feet.
“Mmm, that was most enjoyable,” she said to no one in particular.
DaBigBoom gave a loud groan. How could something that felt so good leave him feeling so shit. He looked up. Two 400s, a +2 and another stupid red heart. That must be it. She’d knocked him out, incapacitated him, or whatever this game treated zero HP as.
Fifi looked down at him and her big eyes widened in surprise.
“You’re still going?”
DaBigBoom could just about move his arms and legs. He wasn’t sure that qualified as still going.
“How intriguing,” Fifi said. Her lips turned up in a wicked smile.
Oh Fifi, haven't you already done enough to the poor lad.
Next week: Nope, she hasn't.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-6 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
Finally back down to a more manageable 1,000 words a week. This week's is short and extremely naughty.
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-6 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
She reached in and pulled DaBigBoom right to the boundary between their squares, close enough for her to embrace him if she wished.
DaBigBoom hoped his remaining life points were considerably higher than forty-four.
Fifi put her arms around DaBigBoom’s neck. Her large black bat wings folded around him like a cape. His nostrils were filled with the musky perfume of her body. She stared into his eyes. Hers were bright and gleaming with lust.
“What’s the matter?” she asked with a disarming smile.
DaBigBoom thought of the forty-four floating up into the sky.
“I was wondering if we could, you know, skip the whole attack thing,” he said.
Fifi was close enough for her cute little button nose to brush against his. She smiled and shook her head.
“It’s a really . . . naughty attack,” she said. “You’ll love it.”
Her soft cheek rubbed against DaBigBoom’s.
“Especially when I triple it,” she whispered in his ear.
Her hands slipped down his back and she pulled their bodies together in a close embrace. Her wings tugged against his back like soft latex. He felt the soft press of her boobs against his chest. The erect points of her nipples caught on the fabric of his T-shirt.
“You’re different,” Fifi whispered in his ear. “There’s a reality about you the others don’t have.”
The spicy musk of her body, the heat, was overpowering. She nibbled on his earlobe before leaving a trail of soft kisses along his cheek. Their lips met in a passionate kiss. DaBigBoom was too lost to notice as her hands moved further down and loosened the remnants of his trousers until they slid down and fell to his ankles in a crumpled pile. DaBigBoom’s erection hadn’t even had a chance to subside. Fifi rubbed her naked crotch against him and he trembled as the hard staff of his cock slid along the folds of her sex. She was already wet.
“And you’re mature enough to truly appreciate my special . . . talents,” Fifi paused the kiss to whisper.
She stared at him with bedroom eyes. She slipped a foot out of her thigh-length heels and rubbed it down the outside of DaBigBoom’s thigh.
Fuck, she was hot—incredible. Jackson might fantasize about girls like this in the real world, but if one had thrown themselves into his arms like this he’d have assumed they were drunk, or tripping out. He peered down at the perfect pink globes of her boobs, boobs that were even now rubbing against his chest. So hot. DaBigBoom felt hot too, boiling. Given the cartoon quality of most of the setting, he was surprised steam wasn’t rushing out of his ears. Who cared she was only pixels when they felt as good as this.
“See, I told you we didn’t need to mess around with all that fighting malarkey,” DaBigBoom said.
Fifi tipped her head back and laughed. “Silly boy, I’m a succubus. Sex is my attack.”
Now that really put DaBigBoom in a quandary. His body was on fire. He really really wanted to have sex with Fifi. But if sex was her attack, how much damage would it do? And did he have enough hit points left to withstand that damage?
Fifi kissed him again.
Fuck it. It was a risk worth taking.
He put his arms around her and clutched the soft flesh of her ass cheeks. Fifi giggled and did the same back to him. He jolted with a shiver as her bulbous-ended tail curled up between his legs and left a trail of sticky kisses up the inside of his thigh. He moved his legs further apart to give her tail easier access. She rewarded him by tickling down his perineum and giving one of his testicles a pleasant little suck with her tail orifice.
Fifi unwrapped her wings from around DaBigBoom. She set her body hovering again with languid flaps. Now both of her feet were sliding up and down the outside of his legs. Her hands gripped the sides of his body and she moaned as his hard-on slid along the moist crevice of her sex.
“Want me to put it in?” DaBigBoom asked, unable to hide his enthusiasm.
Fifi smiled at him in amusement. “You want to suicide?”
Er, when you put it that way, not really, DaBigBoom thought. What was he doing? Was it really a good idea to stay in the arms of a devil woman like this?
Fifi crossed her legs behind DaBigBoom. Her sex parted like the lips of a mouth. Glistening strands of mucus formed threads between her plush labia. She gobbled up the swollen head of his cock and slid slowly—really slowly—down his shaft until her moist labia were kissing his groin.
Yep. Good idea. Definitely a good idea.
DaBigBoom closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his manhood sliding up a moist tunnel with soft—super soft—fleshy walls. They pressed around him and undulated with gentle pulses. Fifi added to the sensation by wriggling in his lap.
Now this was definitely unprotected sex.
Normally, DaBigBoom would have been terrified of attempting a sexual position like this for fear of tipping the girl over and bouncing her skull off the floor. Girls didn’t normally have wings. Fifi might have had both feet off the ground and her legs wrapped around him, but she was definitely the one in control here. All DaBigBoom could do was stand braced with his feet apart while she flapped her midnight-black bat wings and moved her body against him like a wave.
Up, down, her hips moved. Up, down; DaBigBoom sighed as his erection moved inside a moist, lubricated channel of heavenly soft flesh. Fifi gave her own sighs as her hips met his with a lewd squelch. Her juices bubbled out and dribbled down the insides of his thighs. He felt the lascivious suction of her sex as each downward stroke of her wings took her hips up to the peak of the next stroke.
“I can take triple of this,” DaBigBoom said.
“Mmm, that’s good to hear,” Fifi said, “then let’s begin.”
Begin? Weren’t they already beginning?
Next week: Fifi unleashes her extremely naughty attack.
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-6 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
She reached in and pulled DaBigBoom right to the boundary between their squares, close enough for her to embrace him if she wished.
DaBigBoom hoped his remaining life points were considerably higher than forty-four.
Fifi put her arms around DaBigBoom’s neck. Her large black bat wings folded around him like a cape. His nostrils were filled with the musky perfume of her body. She stared into his eyes. Hers were bright and gleaming with lust.
“What’s the matter?” she asked with a disarming smile.
DaBigBoom thought of the forty-four floating up into the sky.
“I was wondering if we could, you know, skip the whole attack thing,” he said.
Fifi was close enough for her cute little button nose to brush against his. She smiled and shook her head.
“It’s a really . . . naughty attack,” she said. “You’ll love it.”
Her soft cheek rubbed against DaBigBoom’s.
“Especially when I triple it,” she whispered in his ear.
Her hands slipped down his back and she pulled their bodies together in a close embrace. Her wings tugged against his back like soft latex. He felt the soft press of her boobs against his chest. The erect points of her nipples caught on the fabric of his T-shirt.
“You’re different,” Fifi whispered in his ear. “There’s a reality about you the others don’t have.”
The spicy musk of her body, the heat, was overpowering. She nibbled on his earlobe before leaving a trail of soft kisses along his cheek. Their lips met in a passionate kiss. DaBigBoom was too lost to notice as her hands moved further down and loosened the remnants of his trousers until they slid down and fell to his ankles in a crumpled pile. DaBigBoom’s erection hadn’t even had a chance to subside. Fifi rubbed her naked crotch against him and he trembled as the hard staff of his cock slid along the folds of her sex. She was already wet.
“And you’re mature enough to truly appreciate my special . . . talents,” Fifi paused the kiss to whisper.
She stared at him with bedroom eyes. She slipped a foot out of her thigh-length heels and rubbed it down the outside of DaBigBoom’s thigh.
Fuck, she was hot—incredible. Jackson might fantasize about girls like this in the real world, but if one had thrown themselves into his arms like this he’d have assumed they were drunk, or tripping out. He peered down at the perfect pink globes of her boobs, boobs that were even now rubbing against his chest. So hot. DaBigBoom felt hot too, boiling. Given the cartoon quality of most of the setting, he was surprised steam wasn’t rushing out of his ears. Who cared she was only pixels when they felt as good as this.
“See, I told you we didn’t need to mess around with all that fighting malarkey,” DaBigBoom said.
Fifi tipped her head back and laughed. “Silly boy, I’m a succubus. Sex is my attack.”
Now that really put DaBigBoom in a quandary. His body was on fire. He really really wanted to have sex with Fifi. But if sex was her attack, how much damage would it do? And did he have enough hit points left to withstand that damage?
Fifi kissed him again.
Fuck it. It was a risk worth taking.
He put his arms around her and clutched the soft flesh of her ass cheeks. Fifi giggled and did the same back to him. He jolted with a shiver as her bulbous-ended tail curled up between his legs and left a trail of sticky kisses up the inside of his thigh. He moved his legs further apart to give her tail easier access. She rewarded him by tickling down his perineum and giving one of his testicles a pleasant little suck with her tail orifice.
Fifi unwrapped her wings from around DaBigBoom. She set her body hovering again with languid flaps. Now both of her feet were sliding up and down the outside of his legs. Her hands gripped the sides of his body and she moaned as his hard-on slid along the moist crevice of her sex.
“Want me to put it in?” DaBigBoom asked, unable to hide his enthusiasm.
Fifi smiled at him in amusement. “You want to suicide?”
Er, when you put it that way, not really, DaBigBoom thought. What was he doing? Was it really a good idea to stay in the arms of a devil woman like this?
Fifi crossed her legs behind DaBigBoom. Her sex parted like the lips of a mouth. Glistening strands of mucus formed threads between her plush labia. She gobbled up the swollen head of his cock and slid slowly—really slowly—down his shaft until her moist labia were kissing his groin.
Yep. Good idea. Definitely a good idea.
DaBigBoom closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his manhood sliding up a moist tunnel with soft—super soft—fleshy walls. They pressed around him and undulated with gentle pulses. Fifi added to the sensation by wriggling in his lap.
Now this was definitely unprotected sex.
Normally, DaBigBoom would have been terrified of attempting a sexual position like this for fear of tipping the girl over and bouncing her skull off the floor. Girls didn’t normally have wings. Fifi might have had both feet off the ground and her legs wrapped around him, but she was definitely the one in control here. All DaBigBoom could do was stand braced with his feet apart while she flapped her midnight-black bat wings and moved her body against him like a wave.
Up, down, her hips moved. Up, down; DaBigBoom sighed as his erection moved inside a moist, lubricated channel of heavenly soft flesh. Fifi gave her own sighs as her hips met his with a lewd squelch. Her juices bubbled out and dribbled down the insides of his thighs. He felt the lascivious suction of her sex as each downward stroke of her wings took her hips up to the peak of the next stroke.
“I can take triple of this,” DaBigBoom said.
“Mmm, that’s good to hear,” Fifi said, “then let’s begin.”
Begin? Weren’t they already beginning?
Next week: Fifi unleashes her extremely naughty attack.
Friday, October 12, 2012
New story for Literotica's 2012 Halloween Short Story Contest
October is normally a month where I rouse myself out of torpor and start posting new stories up on various web sites. It's a Halloween thing!
First up is "Ways to Break a Good Man, no.2", my entrant for this year's Halloween contest on Literotica. I'm not eligible to win as I already placed in the Nude Day contest earlier this year. I still like to enter stories, it's Halloween after all, and not being eligible means I can let Horror-head off the leash and throw out something dark, nasty and not necessarily crowd-pleasing. That's always a good thing, as if I don't feed him every so often he kills off all my characters or has them do odd things like gobbling people up inside their vagina.
I'm not sure on this one. It was a bugger to write and might be one of those ideas that are impossible to make work no matter how they're tackled (advice M. Night Shyamalan should have heeded before making The Village). After all, it's quite difficult to make one of these
sinister and scary.
I like taking a situation that looks absurd on the outside (a man wrestling a blow-up doll) and contrasting the silliness with what is actually a horrific threat to the protagonist. It's the same car crash as smashing erotica into horror and seeing what bounces out of the wreckage. The Biggest Tits in the World (the version in Succubus for Freedom is much better than the early draft on Lit) ran off the same principle, and like that story this one is already picking up mixed comments. It'd be nice if the bad comments were more helpful than 'stories with sex dolls suck', but it might be one of those concepts that are virtually impossible to pull off. I have a weakness for trying to make the absurd and silly scary. Anyway, I hope more like it than dislike it. I also get to cross the doll fetish off the To Corrupt In A Story list.
If you're after a more conventional succubus story, I'll add to C's recommendation of Ironiclaconic's "Thirteenth Seduction". Classy tale of a man and his devil girl. Wish I'd written it myself. LiquidMatthew's "A Bestiary of Monster Girls" is also a humourous variation on the Monster Girl Encyclopedia. The Halloween contest seems very popular this year.
I'm planning to post a few other stories this month. Hopefully that will placate the people left a little bemused by this rather odd tale.
First up is "Ways to Break a Good Man, no.2", my entrant for this year's Halloween contest on Literotica. I'm not eligible to win as I already placed in the Nude Day contest earlier this year. I still like to enter stories, it's Halloween after all, and not being eligible means I can let Horror-head off the leash and throw out something dark, nasty and not necessarily crowd-pleasing. That's always a good thing, as if I don't feed him every so often he kills off all my characters or has them do odd things like gobbling people up inside their vagina.
I'm not sure on this one. It was a bugger to write and might be one of those ideas that are impossible to make work no matter how they're tackled (advice M. Night Shyamalan should have heeded before making The Village). After all, it's quite difficult to make one of these
sinister and scary.
I like taking a situation that looks absurd on the outside (a man wrestling a blow-up doll) and contrasting the silliness with what is actually a horrific threat to the protagonist. It's the same car crash as smashing erotica into horror and seeing what bounces out of the wreckage. The Biggest Tits in the World (the version in Succubus for Freedom is much better than the early draft on Lit) ran off the same principle, and like that story this one is already picking up mixed comments. It'd be nice if the bad comments were more helpful than 'stories with sex dolls suck', but it might be one of those concepts that are virtually impossible to pull off. I have a weakness for trying to make the absurd and silly scary. Anyway, I hope more like it than dislike it. I also get to cross the doll fetish off the To Corrupt In A Story list.
If you're after a more conventional succubus story, I'll add to C's recommendation of Ironiclaconic's "Thirteenth Seduction". Classy tale of a man and his devil girl. Wish I'd written it myself. LiquidMatthew's "A Bestiary of Monster Girls" is also a humourous variation on the Monster Girl Encyclopedia. The Halloween contest seems very popular this year.
I'm planning to post a few other stories this month. Hopefully that will placate the people left a little bemused by this rather odd tale.
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-5 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
Late, but still going. We're into X-rated territory now, so if you ain't 18, now's the time to skedaddle.
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-5: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions.
DaBigBoom hit the ground at the feet of the succubus with a krump.
He didn’t explode.
This seemed to take everyone by surprise.
DaBigBoom awkwardly picked himself back up. The succubus floated in front of him. Her smile and the seductive gleam in her eyes—more lustful even than Fiore’s for her underage pin-up—had returned to her face.
“Um . . . hi,” DaBigBoom said.
“Hi,” the succubus replied. She pushed out her considerable chest.
Now what? DaBigBoom looked over to Pihanga. She was motioning Fiore to move towards a guard on the right-hand side of the bridge. She turned to DaBigBoom and pointed in the direction of the succubus.
DaBigBoom held up his child-sized bow. The stupid thing had snapped in half when he’d landed on it.
Pihanga didn’t care. She furiously jabbed her finger in the direction of the succubus. Her orders given she turned her attentions back to the guards still standing after she’d thrown KwinnyBomb at them.
DaBigBoom turned back to the succubus and gave an embarrassed shrug. She smiled and giggled. Her ample bosom jiggled with her laughter. She didn’t seem that bad, DaBigBoom thought.
“We could always just watch the others get on with it,” he suggested. “We don’t have to get involved.”
“I’m Fifi,” the succubus said. “Who might you be?”
“DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom said, cursing the syllables as they slipped out of his mouth. “It’s not my real name,” he hastily added.
“Those jackets look uncomfortably hot,” Fifi said.
She stepped up to the edge of her square. DaBigBoom jolted backwards as he felt something pliant and flexible reach up between his legs. Her tail. Unlike Pihanga’s, the end of Fifi’s tail swelled out into a bulbous structure that resembled a jar. The end opened out into three flexible and triangular flanges.
“You’d be much more comfortable with less . . . covering,” Fifi said. The nuance didn’t escape DaBigBoom.
“It is a little hot,” he said. “What about you?”
“I’m extremely hot,” the succubus said.
DaBigBoom wasn’t about to argue with that.
Pink sparks crackled around the flanges of her tail. It started to glow like it was covered in St. Elmo’s fire.
Oh, she meant that kind of hot. DaBigBoom wasn’t sure he liked that kind of hot.
Fifi held her tail like a rifle with the bulbous tip pointing at DaBigBoom. A fleshy orifice yawned open at the end. The tail vibrated, the bulbous end swelled and it spat a glob of sparkling pink energy at DaBigBoom.
He was flung backwards by the impact.
Or would have been. Any backward motion would have sent him out of the square he was currently in and that didn’t appear to be allowed by the physics of the game world. Instead, he did a kind of cartoon back flip on the spot.
Once again DaBigBoom was lying on his back and watching numbers float up into the darkness. At least this time it was a small number—a solitary four. Was that all? He felt considerably more beat up than someone who’d only lost four hit points. He picked himself back up.
“Mmm,” Fifi said. She looked down his body and smiled appreciatively.
He looked down and saw why. His clothes were fried, at least the ones around his crotch. The front of his trousers and the underpants beneath were gone, as was most of the bottom of his plain T-shirt. His exposed skin was marred with little smudges of black ash. None of his three jackets had lost so much as a stitch.
“Um . . .” DaBigBoom said, realising he was showing his todger off to a girl, an extremely hot girl. He knew she was a devil and made out of pixels besides, but that didn’t stop his face flaring bright red in embarrassment.
“Tut tut,” Fifi said. “You should be more careful about exposing your weak point like that.”
Weak point?
Fifi did a graceful pirouette on the spot and boom-boomed a hip at him, revealing a luscious peach of an arse. DaBigBoom was so busy looking at it he didn’t notice her tail whip around and plunge into his crotch like a striking snake.
He doubled up. Not because she’d hit him with any force, but in the automatic male response to objects being flung at his unprotected goolies.
His evasion attempt failed. The slimy flanges of her tail left sticky trails across his skin. It was rooting around in his crotch for something.
“Where are you?” Fifi said.
The snuffling orifice at the end of her fleshy tail found the end of his cock.
Oh no.
“Ah, there you are,” Fifi said.
The bulbous tip of her tail expanded. The end of DaBigBoom’s penis was sucked into the moist orifice.
No, no, no! he thought with horror.
He tried to pull away, but her tail had already vacuum-sealed itself to his groin. Its fleshy flanges were stuck fast to his skin and his todger—his lovely todger!—was all the way inside the bulbous jar at the end of it.
Fifi giggled at his futile attempts to escape her tail. “I have you now.”
The bulbous end swelled up and down like bellows. DaBigBoom doubled up again, but this time it was from unexpected pleasure.
Huh, that felt . . . pretty good.
The inside of her tail was slimy, but it was the good kind of slimy—moist, warm, tight, soft. Back in the real world Jackson wasn’t exactly the most sociable, but he wasn’t a complete stranger to sex, although he’d never experienced it without a condom. Was this what unprotected sex felt like? Her soft fleshy walls and warm juices squished around his member.
The bulbous jar slowly pulsed. Blood raced to DaBigBoom’s groin and his hard-on expanded within her tail until it was pushing back at the fleshy tissue wrapped all around him.
Fifi gave her sexy arse a little wiggle. DaBigBoom heard a strange gurgling sound. He didn’t have to ponder it for long before the bulbous end of her tail swelled up and filled with a warm, silky liquid. The jar contracted and DaBigBoom gasped as he felt warm fluids rush back and forth around his shaft. Her soft flesh pressed up all around his cock and gave it a teasing little tug.
What the hell kind of attack was this? DaBigBoom looked at the sultry form of the succubus. He could understand horny and frustrated game artists sneaking in a bit of fetish-bait for the lulz, but this was way beyond that. It felt like she was blowing him with her tail and that kind of shit only happened in the cheap and nasty hentai games.
Fifi’s full lips parted in a sexy pout. Her heavy breasts had fallen out of her skimpy bra. Her left hand was already at her nipple and pawing her soft pink flesh. Her other hand was down between her legs and rubbing her pussy through the thin black material of her panties.
Okay, they were definitely no longer in a children’s game, or in any game that could be stocked in a normal high-street store.
Again.
What was it with this crazy fucked-up world?
Not that DaBigBoom was complaining. The inside of her tail felt fucking incredible around his cock.
Fifi’s cheeks reddened. She closed her eyes and gave a series of little sexy gasps. The bulbous organ at the end of her tail began to pulsate faster and faster.
Oh fuck.
DaBigBoom closed his eyes and gave a little moan of his own. Her tail pulsed and sucked on his cock. He didn’t know what she was doing in there, but he definitely didn’t want her to stop. Her slick walls rubbed up and down his shaft, sliding on a sensual layer of warm, silky liquid. Soft flesh contracted and gently pumped his swollen glans. Like a kiss.
Fifi’s gasps grew louder and came more frequently. The pulsations of her tail speeded up to match. DaBigBoom was no longer doubled up but instead bent back the other way, teetering on unsteady legs with his crotch thrust out before him while Fifi’s tail-full-of-every-known-hooker’s-trick continued to work over his helpless manhood.
“Yes, yes, yes!” she squealed in delight.
Oh fuck. DaBigBoom couldn’t hold on any longer. His hips jerked forwards, driving him deeper into the moist, sticky flesh of her pulsing tail pot. His erection swelled and he ejaculated a tension-flattening glob of spunk right into her tail.
Fifi gave a long, contented sigh. Her tail continued to move around DaBigBoom’s cock, the motions slower and more deliberate now. She sucked on his spurting penis, gulped down his ejaculate and kept sucking until DaBigBoom’s pipes were well and truly drained. Then her tail detached with a wet shlup.
DaBigBoom rocked on his feet. His knees, his whole body felt like a wobbly plate of jelly. A ghostly red heart blossomed in the air between them, before floating up into the darkness.
Aw, how sweet, DaBigBoom thought.
Then he noticed the number, forty-four, floating up from him.
Fuck, it had been an attack after all. It had bashed forty-four off his unknown number of hit points.
It was worse than that.
The same number, but in green rather than white, was floating above Fifi’s head.
Fuck, the cheeky minx had sucked forty-four points right out of him and added it to her own hit points.
More importantly, DaBigBoom wondered how the fuck he was supposed to defeat her if every attack restored that much of her health. His crappy little broken bow certainly wasn’t going to cut it.
“Delicious,” Fifi said, running a tongue around her sensual red lips. She opened her eyes. “Oh, you’re still alive. How wonderful.”
DaBigBoom suspected her happiness at his still being alive was because it meant she could attack him again rather than any concern for his wellbeing.
“Hmm, I wonder.”
Fifi pulled down and stepped out of her panties. The game had definitely swerved off into X-rated territory. The hairless folds of her pussy were clearly visible to DaBigBoom, and anyone else that happened to be looking.
“Did they tell you how these coloured squares work?”
Fifi motioned to the ground around them. Most of the ground was grey apart from some squares that glowed with red, blue, green or yellow light.
“Nope. It never came up,” DaBigBoom said.
“How silly.” Fifi tsked. “How can anyone plan strategy without accounting for the Terra effect squares. Oh well. You see, the different colours grant different abilities. Some are negative—they lower attack or inflict damage. Others have positive effects.”
Stepping elegantly on her stiletto high heels, Fifi walked around him until she was standing on the red square adjacent to his.
“Now this square grants me two additional attacks,” Fifi said. Her eyes gleamed with lust.
Uh oh, DaBigBoom thought.
“Mmm, and I have just the attack I’d like to triple up on,” Fifi said.
She reached in and pulled DaBigBoom right to the boundary between their squares, close enough for her to embrace him if she wished.
DaBigBoom hoped his remaining life points were considerably higher than forty-four.
to be continued next week . . .
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-5: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions.
DaBigBoom hit the ground at the feet of the succubus with a krump.
He didn’t explode.
This seemed to take everyone by surprise.
DaBigBoom awkwardly picked himself back up. The succubus floated in front of him. Her smile and the seductive gleam in her eyes—more lustful even than Fiore’s for her underage pin-up—had returned to her face.
“Um . . . hi,” DaBigBoom said.
“Hi,” the succubus replied. She pushed out her considerable chest.
Now what? DaBigBoom looked over to Pihanga. She was motioning Fiore to move towards a guard on the right-hand side of the bridge. She turned to DaBigBoom and pointed in the direction of the succubus.
DaBigBoom held up his child-sized bow. The stupid thing had snapped in half when he’d landed on it.
Pihanga didn’t care. She furiously jabbed her finger in the direction of the succubus. Her orders given she turned her attentions back to the guards still standing after she’d thrown KwinnyBomb at them.
DaBigBoom turned back to the succubus and gave an embarrassed shrug. She smiled and giggled. Her ample bosom jiggled with her laughter. She didn’t seem that bad, DaBigBoom thought.
“We could always just watch the others get on with it,” he suggested. “We don’t have to get involved.”
“I’m Fifi,” the succubus said. “Who might you be?”
“DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom said, cursing the syllables as they slipped out of his mouth. “It’s not my real name,” he hastily added.
“Those jackets look uncomfortably hot,” Fifi said.
She stepped up to the edge of her square. DaBigBoom jolted backwards as he felt something pliant and flexible reach up between his legs. Her tail. Unlike Pihanga’s, the end of Fifi’s tail swelled out into a bulbous structure that resembled a jar. The end opened out into three flexible and triangular flanges.
“You’d be much more comfortable with less . . . covering,” Fifi said. The nuance didn’t escape DaBigBoom.
“It is a little hot,” he said. “What about you?”
“I’m extremely hot,” the succubus said.
DaBigBoom wasn’t about to argue with that.
Pink sparks crackled around the flanges of her tail. It started to glow like it was covered in St. Elmo’s fire.
Oh, she meant that kind of hot. DaBigBoom wasn’t sure he liked that kind of hot.
Fifi held her tail like a rifle with the bulbous tip pointing at DaBigBoom. A fleshy orifice yawned open at the end. The tail vibrated, the bulbous end swelled and it spat a glob of sparkling pink energy at DaBigBoom.
He was flung backwards by the impact.
Or would have been. Any backward motion would have sent him out of the square he was currently in and that didn’t appear to be allowed by the physics of the game world. Instead, he did a kind of cartoon back flip on the spot.
Once again DaBigBoom was lying on his back and watching numbers float up into the darkness. At least this time it was a small number—a solitary four. Was that all? He felt considerably more beat up than someone who’d only lost four hit points. He picked himself back up.
“Mmm,” Fifi said. She looked down his body and smiled appreciatively.
He looked down and saw why. His clothes were fried, at least the ones around his crotch. The front of his trousers and the underpants beneath were gone, as was most of the bottom of his plain T-shirt. His exposed skin was marred with little smudges of black ash. None of his three jackets had lost so much as a stitch.
“Um . . .” DaBigBoom said, realising he was showing his todger off to a girl, an extremely hot girl. He knew she was a devil and made out of pixels besides, but that didn’t stop his face flaring bright red in embarrassment.
“Tut tut,” Fifi said. “You should be more careful about exposing your weak point like that.”
Weak point?
Fifi did a graceful pirouette on the spot and boom-boomed a hip at him, revealing a luscious peach of an arse. DaBigBoom was so busy looking at it he didn’t notice her tail whip around and plunge into his crotch like a striking snake.
He doubled up. Not because she’d hit him with any force, but in the automatic male response to objects being flung at his unprotected goolies.
His evasion attempt failed. The slimy flanges of her tail left sticky trails across his skin. It was rooting around in his crotch for something.
“Where are you?” Fifi said.
The snuffling orifice at the end of her fleshy tail found the end of his cock.
Oh no.
“Ah, there you are,” Fifi said.
The bulbous tip of her tail expanded. The end of DaBigBoom’s penis was sucked into the moist orifice.
No, no, no! he thought with horror.
He tried to pull away, but her tail had already vacuum-sealed itself to his groin. Its fleshy flanges were stuck fast to his skin and his todger—his lovely todger!—was all the way inside the bulbous jar at the end of it.
Fifi giggled at his futile attempts to escape her tail. “I have you now.”
The bulbous end swelled up and down like bellows. DaBigBoom doubled up again, but this time it was from unexpected pleasure.
Huh, that felt . . . pretty good.
The inside of her tail was slimy, but it was the good kind of slimy—moist, warm, tight, soft. Back in the real world Jackson wasn’t exactly the most sociable, but he wasn’t a complete stranger to sex, although he’d never experienced it without a condom. Was this what unprotected sex felt like? Her soft fleshy walls and warm juices squished around his member.
The bulbous jar slowly pulsed. Blood raced to DaBigBoom’s groin and his hard-on expanded within her tail until it was pushing back at the fleshy tissue wrapped all around him.
Fifi gave her sexy arse a little wiggle. DaBigBoom heard a strange gurgling sound. He didn’t have to ponder it for long before the bulbous end of her tail swelled up and filled with a warm, silky liquid. The jar contracted and DaBigBoom gasped as he felt warm fluids rush back and forth around his shaft. Her soft flesh pressed up all around his cock and gave it a teasing little tug.
What the hell kind of attack was this? DaBigBoom looked at the sultry form of the succubus. He could understand horny and frustrated game artists sneaking in a bit of fetish-bait for the lulz, but this was way beyond that. It felt like she was blowing him with her tail and that kind of shit only happened in the cheap and nasty hentai games.
Fifi’s full lips parted in a sexy pout. Her heavy breasts had fallen out of her skimpy bra. Her left hand was already at her nipple and pawing her soft pink flesh. Her other hand was down between her legs and rubbing her pussy through the thin black material of her panties.
Okay, they were definitely no longer in a children’s game, or in any game that could be stocked in a normal high-street store.
Again.
What was it with this crazy fucked-up world?
Not that DaBigBoom was complaining. The inside of her tail felt fucking incredible around his cock.
Fifi’s cheeks reddened. She closed her eyes and gave a series of little sexy gasps. The bulbous organ at the end of her tail began to pulsate faster and faster.
Oh fuck.
DaBigBoom closed his eyes and gave a little moan of his own. Her tail pulsed and sucked on his cock. He didn’t know what she was doing in there, but he definitely didn’t want her to stop. Her slick walls rubbed up and down his shaft, sliding on a sensual layer of warm, silky liquid. Soft flesh contracted and gently pumped his swollen glans. Like a kiss.
Fifi’s gasps grew louder and came more frequently. The pulsations of her tail speeded up to match. DaBigBoom was no longer doubled up but instead bent back the other way, teetering on unsteady legs with his crotch thrust out before him while Fifi’s tail-full-of-every-known-hooker’s-trick continued to work over his helpless manhood.
“Yes, yes, yes!” she squealed in delight.
Oh fuck. DaBigBoom couldn’t hold on any longer. His hips jerked forwards, driving him deeper into the moist, sticky flesh of her pulsing tail pot. His erection swelled and he ejaculated a tension-flattening glob of spunk right into her tail.
Fifi gave a long, contented sigh. Her tail continued to move around DaBigBoom’s cock, the motions slower and more deliberate now. She sucked on his spurting penis, gulped down his ejaculate and kept sucking until DaBigBoom’s pipes were well and truly drained. Then her tail detached with a wet shlup.
DaBigBoom rocked on his feet. His knees, his whole body felt like a wobbly plate of jelly. A ghostly red heart blossomed in the air between them, before floating up into the darkness.
Aw, how sweet, DaBigBoom thought.
Then he noticed the number, forty-four, floating up from him.
Fuck, it had been an attack after all. It had bashed forty-four off his unknown number of hit points.
It was worse than that.
The same number, but in green rather than white, was floating above Fifi’s head.
Fuck, the cheeky minx had sucked forty-four points right out of him and added it to her own hit points.
More importantly, DaBigBoom wondered how the fuck he was supposed to defeat her if every attack restored that much of her health. His crappy little broken bow certainly wasn’t going to cut it.
“Delicious,” Fifi said, running a tongue around her sensual red lips. She opened her eyes. “Oh, you’re still alive. How wonderful.”
DaBigBoom suspected her happiness at his still being alive was because it meant she could attack him again rather than any concern for his wellbeing.
“Hmm, I wonder.”
Fifi pulled down and stepped out of her panties. The game had definitely swerved off into X-rated territory. The hairless folds of her pussy were clearly visible to DaBigBoom, and anyone else that happened to be looking.
“Did they tell you how these coloured squares work?”
Fifi motioned to the ground around them. Most of the ground was grey apart from some squares that glowed with red, blue, green or yellow light.
“Nope. It never came up,” DaBigBoom said.
“How silly.” Fifi tsked. “How can anyone plan strategy without accounting for the Terra effect squares. Oh well. You see, the different colours grant different abilities. Some are negative—they lower attack or inflict damage. Others have positive effects.”
Stepping elegantly on her stiletto high heels, Fifi walked around him until she was standing on the red square adjacent to his.
“Now this square grants me two additional attacks,” Fifi said. Her eyes gleamed with lust.
Uh oh, DaBigBoom thought.
“Mmm, and I have just the attack I’d like to triple up on,” Fifi said.
She reached in and pulled DaBigBoom right to the boundary between their squares, close enough for her to embrace him if she wished.
DaBigBoom hoped his remaining life points were considerably higher than forty-four.
to be continued next week . . .
Saturday, October 06, 2012
More for the Bookshelf No One Can Read
My print copies finally wound their way to my remote abode. I always look forward to seeing the finished book. (and that the covers are the right colour, in the right place and not wrong in the many ways printing can sometimes go wrong).
It's a little chunkier than my other collections (although obviously slimline in relation to the average George R. R. Martin epic). I ran out of the short short stories and got too carried away writing all the sex in the new ones.
You can pick up a copy of your own from Amazon here, or here if you live in the UK. One day it would be nice to have a mass-market paperback printing to make the price a little more acceptable, but that would mean I'd have to write something more mainstream and who'd want to do a boring thing like that . . . ;)
Monday, October 01, 2012
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-4 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
The posting schedule is a little wonky at the moment as I've had a couple of hectic weeks with cars grinding to a halt and other real-life nuisances. This chapter/series has also proven to be a little chaotic, descending fully into farce and parody. I'm not sure where it will end up, but I'll stick with it just to get the damn thing out of my system. Fans of my darker work fear not, there should be a story more to your liking appearing fairly soon in Literotica's Halloween contest. (Maybe, it does feature a succubus-possessed sex doll after all)
Anyway. Without further ado, here's:
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-4: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
“Tubby isn’t the problem,” OldFart said. “He’s big and he’s got a lot of hit points, but none of his attacks does much damage. No, the real problem is her . . . the succubus.”
OldFart pointed down to a pathway that ran off to the right of the bridge. It wound between dead trees and under a broken archway. At the end of the path was—
DaBigBoom’s mouth dropped open.
Wow.
That was a hottie. A real, blazing hot, totally fuckable hottie. She looked like a porn star or glamour model in a Halloween Devil costume, what little of it there was. She looked a little like another Pihanga, but a Pihanga DaBigBoom didn’t want to throttle. There was a whole bunch of other things DaBigBoom would like to do to her instead, most of which were unprintable. Like Pihanga, the succubus had horns, wings and a tail, but unlike Pihanga everything was filled out and looked more . . . mature.
18-rated.
Especially her chest. She was amply filled out in the chest department.
Were those real? They couldn’t be real.
If he’d seen breasts like that on a real-life girl with a similarly slender figure, DaBigBoom would have snap-called them as artificial. The succubus was wearing a low-cut baroque bikini top that barely contained them. Her boobs had . . . bounce. She hovered a few inches off the ground, supported by languid flaps of her great bat wings. Her breasts bobbed with each down sweep.
“That’s how she gets you, mate,” OldFart said. “Hypnotises you with those puppies, and then . . .”
“She does things to you,” Looserbait said. He stared at the floor. “Naughty things.”
“Uh huh.” DaBigBoom wasn’t listening. His attention was focused on the way the shiny globes of her tits bounced and jiggled as she floated a few inches off the ground.
“Okay, listen up,” Pihanga ordered. “This is the plan. KwinnyBomb, you come with me. We’ll take out the guards to the left of the bridge. Schreck and the rest of the k’winny mob will charge the main gate and beat up Waldorf.”
That was the plan? Charge? All that drawing in the dirt and that was the best she could come up with. That was a stupid fucking plan, DaBigBoom thought.
“What about the succubus?” Bob asked.
“DaBigBoom will take care of that,” Pihanga said, again with the crafty gleam in her eye.
DaBigBoom looked at the succubus again. Or more particularly, at the way her breasts bounced up and down as she floated a few inches above the ground. He was down with that part of the plan.
“His is the second most important role,” Pihanga said.
“Because if the succubus gets out of that path she’ll cream us all,” Bob whispered to DaBigBoom.
“Fiore will go with him,” Pihanga continued.
DaBigBoom was still looking at the succubus’s bobbing boobs.
“Okay, go!” Pihanga ordered.
She entered the chequerboard at a glowing orange square and moved towards the gate. The guards watched her scamper towards them with bored expressions. They didn’t move out of the squares they were standing in. KwinnyBomb, cartwheels spinning, trundled after her. They moved four squares and stopped. Schreck followed next, with the rest of the k’winny mob fanning out behind him.
“This way,” Fiore said, making sure DaBigBoom entered the board through the orange square and then pulling him to the right.
She also walked four squares before stopping abruptly. DaBigBoom was about to walk past when she held out an arm and stopped him.
“Wait. We have to wait for our turn to come back around.”
Damn stupid computer game rules.
DaBigBoom looked at the succubus. She was really hot. And practically naked. Her hopelessly-skimpy frayed leather bra was matched by an equally skimpy pair of black panties. The tan expanse of her flat stomach was exposed as were most of her luscious thighs. In a perverse attempt to compensate for the acres of skin on display she wore long black gloves that went past her elbows and an equally long pair of kinky black boots that went up past her knees. DaBigBoom supposed baroque stiletto heels were less of an impracticality if the wearer never had to actually walk in them.
The succubus saw them coming and gave DaBigBoom a sultry smile. He smiled back and tipped her a saucy wink. The succubus pouted her full lips and blew DaBigBoom a steamy kiss. She placed hands underneath her considerable breasts and smooshed them together. DaBigBoom gulped.
Take care of her? Yes please.
“Stop flirting with the succubus,” Fiore said.
“Why? She’s not a hermaphrodite too, is she?” DaBigBoom asked. He looked down at the floating girl’s crotch for signs of a tell-tale bulge. All he saw was a rather obvious camel toe that reddened his cheeks.
“No, they’re just really . . . skanky,” Fiore said.
DaBigBoom was fine with skanky. He looked at the succubus’s teasing smile and bouncing tits. Especially this kind of skanky. The succubus stared at him, tossed back her flowing black hair and pulled a series of glamour model poses.
“True love must be pure,” Fiore said, “just like my love for Ruhara.”
She pulled out a scrap of paper and unfolded it to reveal a picture of a demon boy with a long flowing black cape. Other than the cape the boy was completely naked above the waist and his bare chest was totally exposed. He carried a sword that was bigger than him.
He also looked about twelve years old.
“He’s post game content for sure,” Fiore said. “We’ll defeat him, then he’ll join us, then he’ll be mine.”
She clutched the paper to her flat bosom and her face lit up in a way DaBigBoom thought was slightly disturbing.
“Pervert,” he muttered, before turning back to stare at the succubus’s bouncing titties.
“It’s us again,” Fiore said.
She took DaBigBoom’s arm and took them four squares closer to the broken archway at the head of the path. Another turn and they’d pass under it and be right before the waiting she-demon. That thought triggered a pleasant little throb in DaBigBoom’s groin.
“Launch k’winnies!” Pihanga yelled.
What the?
DaBigBoom turned around in time to see KwinnyBomb flying through the air in the direction of the guards to the left of the bridge.
“Mateeeeeeee!” KwinnyBomb yelled.
He landed on a square between two guards—skinny looking emo kids with pointed ears—and exploded.
The guards held up arms and grimaced. Thirty-four in white numbers floated up above their heads. When the cloud dissipated there was no sign of KwinnyBomb at all. He’d exploded. Like a grenade. Like . . .
. . . a KwinnyBomb.
DaBigBoom thought about the name Pihanga had given him.
He had a bad feeling about this.
Fiore had the build of a slim little teenage girl. Not the build of someone DaBigBoom would have thought capable of plucking him up off the ground and lifting him right above their head.
“Hey wait,” he said.
Fiore didn’t. She stretched her arms back and launched him the direction of the succubus with all the force she could muster.
Fuuuuck, DaBigBoom thought as he flew over the broken archway. The succubus already had her hands up in front of her face. Fiore had her eyes screwed shut and fingers in her ears.
DaBigBoom hit the ground at the feet of the succubus with a krump.
He didn’t explode.
This seemed to take everyone by surprise.
DaBigBoom awkwardly picked himself back up. The succubus floated in front of him. Her smile and the seductive gleam in her eyes—more lustful even than Fiore’s for her underage pin-up—had returned to her face.
“Um . . . hi,” DaBigBoom said.
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2 will continue next week, where I imagine things will get a lot more steamy. She has been waiting for four chapters after all . . .
Anyway. Without further ado, here's:
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-4: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
“Tubby isn’t the problem,” OldFart said. “He’s big and he’s got a lot of hit points, but none of his attacks does much damage. No, the real problem is her . . . the succubus.”
OldFart pointed down to a pathway that ran off to the right of the bridge. It wound between dead trees and under a broken archway. At the end of the path was—
DaBigBoom’s mouth dropped open.
Wow.
That was a hottie. A real, blazing hot, totally fuckable hottie. She looked like a porn star or glamour model in a Halloween Devil costume, what little of it there was. She looked a little like another Pihanga, but a Pihanga DaBigBoom didn’t want to throttle. There was a whole bunch of other things DaBigBoom would like to do to her instead, most of which were unprintable. Like Pihanga, the succubus had horns, wings and a tail, but unlike Pihanga everything was filled out and looked more . . . mature.
18-rated.
Especially her chest. She was amply filled out in the chest department.
Were those real? They couldn’t be real.
If he’d seen breasts like that on a real-life girl with a similarly slender figure, DaBigBoom would have snap-called them as artificial. The succubus was wearing a low-cut baroque bikini top that barely contained them. Her boobs had . . . bounce. She hovered a few inches off the ground, supported by languid flaps of her great bat wings. Her breasts bobbed with each down sweep.
“That’s how she gets you, mate,” OldFart said. “Hypnotises you with those puppies, and then . . .”
“She does things to you,” Looserbait said. He stared at the floor. “Naughty things.”
“Uh huh.” DaBigBoom wasn’t listening. His attention was focused on the way the shiny globes of her tits bounced and jiggled as she floated a few inches off the ground.
“Okay, listen up,” Pihanga ordered. “This is the plan. KwinnyBomb, you come with me. We’ll take out the guards to the left of the bridge. Schreck and the rest of the k’winny mob will charge the main gate and beat up Waldorf.”
That was the plan? Charge? All that drawing in the dirt and that was the best she could come up with. That was a stupid fucking plan, DaBigBoom thought.
“What about the succubus?” Bob asked.
“DaBigBoom will take care of that,” Pihanga said, again with the crafty gleam in her eye.
DaBigBoom looked at the succubus again. Or more particularly, at the way her breasts bounced up and down as she floated a few inches above the ground. He was down with that part of the plan.
“His is the second most important role,” Pihanga said.
“Because if the succubus gets out of that path she’ll cream us all,” Bob whispered to DaBigBoom.
“Fiore will go with him,” Pihanga continued.
DaBigBoom was still looking at the succubus’s bobbing boobs.
“Okay, go!” Pihanga ordered.
She entered the chequerboard at a glowing orange square and moved towards the gate. The guards watched her scamper towards them with bored expressions. They didn’t move out of the squares they were standing in. KwinnyBomb, cartwheels spinning, trundled after her. They moved four squares and stopped. Schreck followed next, with the rest of the k’winny mob fanning out behind him.
“This way,” Fiore said, making sure DaBigBoom entered the board through the orange square and then pulling him to the right.
She also walked four squares before stopping abruptly. DaBigBoom was about to walk past when she held out an arm and stopped him.
“Wait. We have to wait for our turn to come back around.”
Damn stupid computer game rules.
DaBigBoom looked at the succubus. She was really hot. And practically naked. Her hopelessly-skimpy frayed leather bra was matched by an equally skimpy pair of black panties. The tan expanse of her flat stomach was exposed as were most of her luscious thighs. In a perverse attempt to compensate for the acres of skin on display she wore long black gloves that went past her elbows and an equally long pair of kinky black boots that went up past her knees. DaBigBoom supposed baroque stiletto heels were less of an impracticality if the wearer never had to actually walk in them.
The succubus saw them coming and gave DaBigBoom a sultry smile. He smiled back and tipped her a saucy wink. The succubus pouted her full lips and blew DaBigBoom a steamy kiss. She placed hands underneath her considerable breasts and smooshed them together. DaBigBoom gulped.
Take care of her? Yes please.
“Stop flirting with the succubus,” Fiore said.
“Why? She’s not a hermaphrodite too, is she?” DaBigBoom asked. He looked down at the floating girl’s crotch for signs of a tell-tale bulge. All he saw was a rather obvious camel toe that reddened his cheeks.
“No, they’re just really . . . skanky,” Fiore said.
DaBigBoom was fine with skanky. He looked at the succubus’s teasing smile and bouncing tits. Especially this kind of skanky. The succubus stared at him, tossed back her flowing black hair and pulled a series of glamour model poses.
“True love must be pure,” Fiore said, “just like my love for Ruhara.”
She pulled out a scrap of paper and unfolded it to reveal a picture of a demon boy with a long flowing black cape. Other than the cape the boy was completely naked above the waist and his bare chest was totally exposed. He carried a sword that was bigger than him.
He also looked about twelve years old.
“He’s post game content for sure,” Fiore said. “We’ll defeat him, then he’ll join us, then he’ll be mine.”
She clutched the paper to her flat bosom and her face lit up in a way DaBigBoom thought was slightly disturbing.
“Pervert,” he muttered, before turning back to stare at the succubus’s bouncing titties.
“It’s us again,” Fiore said.
She took DaBigBoom’s arm and took them four squares closer to the broken archway at the head of the path. Another turn and they’d pass under it and be right before the waiting she-demon. That thought triggered a pleasant little throb in DaBigBoom’s groin.
“Launch k’winnies!” Pihanga yelled.
What the?
DaBigBoom turned around in time to see KwinnyBomb flying through the air in the direction of the guards to the left of the bridge.
“Mateeeeeeee!” KwinnyBomb yelled.
He landed on a square between two guards—skinny looking emo kids with pointed ears—and exploded.
The guards held up arms and grimaced. Thirty-four in white numbers floated up above their heads. When the cloud dissipated there was no sign of KwinnyBomb at all. He’d exploded. Like a grenade. Like . . .
. . . a KwinnyBomb.
DaBigBoom thought about the name Pihanga had given him.
He had a bad feeling about this.
Fiore had the build of a slim little teenage girl. Not the build of someone DaBigBoom would have thought capable of plucking him up off the ground and lifting him right above their head.
“Hey wait,” he said.
Fiore didn’t. She stretched her arms back and launched him the direction of the succubus with all the force she could muster.
Fuuuuck, DaBigBoom thought as he flew over the broken archway. The succubus already had her hands up in front of her face. Fiore had her eyes screwed shut and fingers in her ears.
DaBigBoom hit the ground at the feet of the succubus with a krump.
He didn’t explode.
This seemed to take everyone by surprise.
DaBigBoom awkwardly picked himself back up. The succubus floated in front of him. Her smile and the seductive gleam in her eyes—more lustful even than Fiore’s for her underage pin-up—had returned to her face.
“Um . . . hi,” DaBigBoom said.
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2 will continue next week, where I imagine things will get a lot more steamy. She has been waiting for four chapters after all . . .
Sunday, September 23, 2012
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-3 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
After a slight pause where I was away last week, here's the third part of Jackson DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2. Chaos rules. Attempting to parody something that was already a fairly wicked parody in the first place might not have been my best idea. Oh well, let's see where it goes. Hopefully sombody sexy will show up at some point to make up for the anarchy and weirdness at the beginning.
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-3: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
The blonde looked at him. A puzzled expression was back on her face.
“Hey wait!” she said. “You’re the—”
Too late. DaBigBoom had already stepped into the portal.
They warped to a rocky location that somehow managed to look cheerful despite being largely desolate. The only plants DaBigBoom saw were the twisted remnants of dead trees.
Not quite dead, as it happened, but not exactly alive in any way DaBigBoom expected. He watched as one of the dead stumps grew spindly arms out of its top and began to shuffle around. Pihanga absent-mindedly booted it into a nearby pool of bright green acid. She took out a telescope and surveyed their objective from behind a boulder.
Before them a wide bridge led to an enormous gate at the entrance of a cartoon-scary castle carved into the high stone wall of a cliff. The gate looked like an enormous mouth and two openings above it looked like burning eyes. It still looked about as scary as a Scooby Doo cartoon.
The oddest thing to DaBigBoom was the ground. It was marked out with squares like a giant chessboard. The pattern covered most of the grounds leading up to the bridge and continued right into the fort. Some of the squares glowed with a strange light and that same glow lit up odd pyramid sculptures scattered throughout the grounds. DaBigBoom thought they must serve some purpose within the game although he didn’t have the slightest idea what.
There were guards—more of the strange pointy-eared inhabitants he’d seen walking around back at the castle. They grumbled and fidgeted, but didn’t leave the squares they were standing in, even though most of the positions they occupied seemed to serve no strategic purpose.
“Okay, equipment,” Pihanga said.
From somewhere, DaBigBoom had no idea where, she pulled out a sack of gear that was bigger than her, Schreck and Fiore combined.
Computer RPG physics, no point in being surprised, DaBigBoom thought.
“You.” She beckoned to DaBigBoom. “Time to equip you. The high HP gear I think.” There was a gleam in Pihanga’s eye DaBigBoom didn’t like at all.
She threw him a flak jacket that looked more suited to a cop game. DaBigBoom had no idea what it was doing in a fantasy RPG, but it was armour and DaBigBoom would take any kind of protection. He put it on.
It also wasn’t the only jacket as Pihanga passed him a second and then a third jacket largely identical to the first.
“Um, I already have a jacket,” DaBigBoom said.
Pihanga ignored him. So did the world. Before he even realised it, he was wearing all three jackets on top of each other. They were uncomfortably warm and DaBigBoom could barely move his arms. How was he supposed to fight like this?
“Perfect,” Pihanga said. “Lots of HP.”
Once again, DaBigBoom really didn’t like the gleam in Pihanga’s eye whenever she mentioned ‘HP’.
DaBigBoom felt something rather important had been neglected in the equipping process.
“Aren’t I supposed to have something to fight with?” he asked.
“Fight?” Pihanga seemed surprised by the question, as if it wasn’t really relevant. “Oh, take this.”
She rummaged through the sack and came back with a bow so tiny it’d struggle to make even a child’s toy. DaBigBoom held the undersized bow in his hands. Now what the fuck was he supposed to do with this?
Pihanga turned her back and went back to observing the fort. She turned around and began to draw lines in the ground. She studied them with wrinkled-brow concentration while Schreck watched and gave the occasional nod of his head. Fiore crouched down and watched Pihanga draw her plans, but didn’t contribute anything other than the occasional giggle.
“You got a bum assignment, mate,” one of the k’winnies, a real battered specimen, said to DaBigBoom. “She doesn’t have the first clue about tactics. She should have hired a warrior, mage and cleric by now. Instead she just keeps throwing us k’winnies into the fray as if it’s still the first level. It’s hopeless, mate. I’m OldFart,” the beat-up k’winnie introduced itself.
“DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom replied and then grimaced as he realised that stupid name had slipped out of his mouth again instead of his real name.
OldFart nodded sympathetically.
He introduced the other k’winnines. “This is Assploder, KwinnyBomb, ShitBlast, Bob—”
“Bob?” DaBigBoom interrupted.
“She hit Enter too quickly on the naming screen, mate,” Bob explained, “and she hasn’t figured out yet how to rename characters.”
“LooserBait,” OldFart finished the introductions, pointing to the last k’winny, who was missing an eye.
“So what’s the objective?” DaBigBoom asked. If they could complete the mission maybe he could get the fuck out of here.
“Waldorf, mate,” OldFart said. “The big pile of blubber over there.”
DaBigBoom followed OldFart’s malformed limb and saw a gigantic blue thing just inside the entrance. It was a big pile of blubber—Jabba the Hut with a pair of tusks. The thing looked so cumbersome DaBigBoom had no idea how it even moved until he noticed the cord around its midriff that led up to a large balloon with a cartoon cat face on the side of it. DaBigBoom raised an eyebrow.
“What, the walrus?” he said.
“Leopard seal,” Fiore corrected. Bored with Pihanga’s battle planning, she’d come over to join them. “It’s a leopard seal, not a walrus.” She grinned.
“So the objective is to storm a fortress and kill a wal . . . leopard seal with a giant balloon tied to its arse?” DaBigBoom queried.
Fiore nodded. “Exciting, isn’t it.”
DaBigBoom wanted out of this stupid game.
“And you guys are happy with this?” DaBigBoom asked.
“Fuck yeah,” Assploder said.
“Waldorf’s a cunt,” Bob said.
“We want the bastard dead,” KwinnyBomb said.
“He kidnaps k’winnies and sells them as toys to children in the human world,” LooserBait said.
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Fiore said.
The k’winnies stared at the angel with stunned expressions. They obviously regarded being sold to children as a fate worse than death.
“Human children are sweet and adorable,” Fiore said. “Especially the boys.” She stared off into space. “Delicious, scrumptious, cute young boys.” There was a gleam in her eyes that was most un-angelic.
The k’winnies shook their heads. “Pervert,” Bob muttered under his breath.
“Tubby isn’t the problem,” OldFart said. “He’s big and he’s got a lot of hit points, but none of his attacks does much damage. No, the real problem is her . . . the succubus.”
OldFart pointed down to a pathway that ran off to the right of the bridge. It wound between dead trees and under a broken archway. At the end of the path was—
DaBigBoom’s mouth dropped open.
Wow.
Oh hello, somebody sexy. Come back next week to see if she gets a chance to strut her stuff as I try and get this anarchic beastie back under control.
DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-3: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions
The blonde looked at him. A puzzled expression was back on her face.
“Hey wait!” she said. “You’re the—”
Too late. DaBigBoom had already stepped into the portal.
They warped to a rocky location that somehow managed to look cheerful despite being largely desolate. The only plants DaBigBoom saw were the twisted remnants of dead trees.
Not quite dead, as it happened, but not exactly alive in any way DaBigBoom expected. He watched as one of the dead stumps grew spindly arms out of its top and began to shuffle around. Pihanga absent-mindedly booted it into a nearby pool of bright green acid. She took out a telescope and surveyed their objective from behind a boulder.
Before them a wide bridge led to an enormous gate at the entrance of a cartoon-scary castle carved into the high stone wall of a cliff. The gate looked like an enormous mouth and two openings above it looked like burning eyes. It still looked about as scary as a Scooby Doo cartoon.
The oddest thing to DaBigBoom was the ground. It was marked out with squares like a giant chessboard. The pattern covered most of the grounds leading up to the bridge and continued right into the fort. Some of the squares glowed with a strange light and that same glow lit up odd pyramid sculptures scattered throughout the grounds. DaBigBoom thought they must serve some purpose within the game although he didn’t have the slightest idea what.
There were guards—more of the strange pointy-eared inhabitants he’d seen walking around back at the castle. They grumbled and fidgeted, but didn’t leave the squares they were standing in, even though most of the positions they occupied seemed to serve no strategic purpose.
“Okay, equipment,” Pihanga said.
From somewhere, DaBigBoom had no idea where, she pulled out a sack of gear that was bigger than her, Schreck and Fiore combined.
Computer RPG physics, no point in being surprised, DaBigBoom thought.
“You.” She beckoned to DaBigBoom. “Time to equip you. The high HP gear I think.” There was a gleam in Pihanga’s eye DaBigBoom didn’t like at all.
She threw him a flak jacket that looked more suited to a cop game. DaBigBoom had no idea what it was doing in a fantasy RPG, but it was armour and DaBigBoom would take any kind of protection. He put it on.
It also wasn’t the only jacket as Pihanga passed him a second and then a third jacket largely identical to the first.
“Um, I already have a jacket,” DaBigBoom said.
Pihanga ignored him. So did the world. Before he even realised it, he was wearing all three jackets on top of each other. They were uncomfortably warm and DaBigBoom could barely move his arms. How was he supposed to fight like this?
“Perfect,” Pihanga said. “Lots of HP.”
Once again, DaBigBoom really didn’t like the gleam in Pihanga’s eye whenever she mentioned ‘HP’.
DaBigBoom felt something rather important had been neglected in the equipping process.
“Aren’t I supposed to have something to fight with?” he asked.
“Fight?” Pihanga seemed surprised by the question, as if it wasn’t really relevant. “Oh, take this.”
She rummaged through the sack and came back with a bow so tiny it’d struggle to make even a child’s toy. DaBigBoom held the undersized bow in his hands. Now what the fuck was he supposed to do with this?
Pihanga turned her back and went back to observing the fort. She turned around and began to draw lines in the ground. She studied them with wrinkled-brow concentration while Schreck watched and gave the occasional nod of his head. Fiore crouched down and watched Pihanga draw her plans, but didn’t contribute anything other than the occasional giggle.
“You got a bum assignment, mate,” one of the k’winnies, a real battered specimen, said to DaBigBoom. “She doesn’t have the first clue about tactics. She should have hired a warrior, mage and cleric by now. Instead she just keeps throwing us k’winnies into the fray as if it’s still the first level. It’s hopeless, mate. I’m OldFart,” the beat-up k’winnie introduced itself.
“DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom replied and then grimaced as he realised that stupid name had slipped out of his mouth again instead of his real name.
OldFart nodded sympathetically.
He introduced the other k’winnines. “This is Assploder, KwinnyBomb, ShitBlast, Bob—”
“Bob?” DaBigBoom interrupted.
“She hit Enter too quickly on the naming screen, mate,” Bob explained, “and she hasn’t figured out yet how to rename characters.”
“LooserBait,” OldFart finished the introductions, pointing to the last k’winny, who was missing an eye.
“So what’s the objective?” DaBigBoom asked. If they could complete the mission maybe he could get the fuck out of here.
“Waldorf, mate,” OldFart said. “The big pile of blubber over there.”
DaBigBoom followed OldFart’s malformed limb and saw a gigantic blue thing just inside the entrance. It was a big pile of blubber—Jabba the Hut with a pair of tusks. The thing looked so cumbersome DaBigBoom had no idea how it even moved until he noticed the cord around its midriff that led up to a large balloon with a cartoon cat face on the side of it. DaBigBoom raised an eyebrow.
“What, the walrus?” he said.
“Leopard seal,” Fiore corrected. Bored with Pihanga’s battle planning, she’d come over to join them. “It’s a leopard seal, not a walrus.” She grinned.
“So the objective is to storm a fortress and kill a wal . . . leopard seal with a giant balloon tied to its arse?” DaBigBoom queried.
Fiore nodded. “Exciting, isn’t it.”
DaBigBoom wanted out of this stupid game.
“And you guys are happy with this?” DaBigBoom asked.
“Fuck yeah,” Assploder said.
“Waldorf’s a cunt,” Bob said.
“We want the bastard dead,” KwinnyBomb said.
“He kidnaps k’winnies and sells them as toys to children in the human world,” LooserBait said.
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Fiore said.
The k’winnies stared at the angel with stunned expressions. They obviously regarded being sold to children as a fate worse than death.
“Human children are sweet and adorable,” Fiore said. “Especially the boys.” She stared off into space. “Delicious, scrumptious, cute young boys.” There was a gleam in her eyes that was most un-angelic.
The k’winnies shook their heads. “Pervert,” Bob muttered under his breath.
“Tubby isn’t the problem,” OldFart said. “He’s big and he’s got a lot of hit points, but none of his attacks does much damage. No, the real problem is her . . . the succubus.”
OldFart pointed down to a pathway that ran off to the right of the bridge. It wound between dead trees and under a broken archway. At the end of the path was—
DaBigBoom’s mouth dropped open.
Wow.
Oh hello, somebody sexy. Come back next week to see if she gets a chance to strut her stuff as I try and get this anarchic beastie back under control.
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