Saturday, November 26, 2011

Fun Things to do on a Black Friday

We don’t have Black Friday in Britain. The term confused me for a while as Black [Insert Weekday] in Britain is used for points in history when whatever moron we had for a chancellor at the time spunked millions (or billions) of pounds up a wall. I suppose the nearest equivalent we do have is the Boxing Day sales after Christmas.

I’m a bad person. Ok, that’s a lie. I’m a good person, probably boring by most people’s standards, but I do have bad bad thoughts.

After reading about the scrums, crushes and even shoppers using pepper spray on each other, impish little ideas started to germinate in my corroded black cortex. Wouldn’t it be fun to go to one of these stores, where people have been queuing outside all night and are grumpy and sleep-deprived, and hand out swords and maces like a regular Leland Gaunt. Out of idle curiosity…to see what happens next…

Hopefully, nobody actually died today, otherwise this blog post might be rather inappropriate.

I think I’d find it hard to be too sympathetic. All death is ignoble, but being trampled in a stampede to get the latest Playstation for a hundred dollars less has to be one of the more depressing and pointless ways to exit this earth. I’m being a curmudgeony young fart, I know, but pictures of mobs bulldozing into stores, their eyes lit up with naked greed at the thought of the bargains inside, highlight a side of human nature that’s a little unseemly to me. Kind of like Reality TV shows.

Anyway, how about this lovely--and very sharp--little sword…?

I’m a bad bad person.


  1. That would be epic to see, What do you think would happen next?

    It reminds of the argument we have over here in America with gun control and the thought that if everyone was armed to the hilt ; there would be less crime.

  2. There was an incident on Black Friday a few years back where the partners of two women shoppers involved in a scrap pulled out guns and shot each other.

    We have strict gun control in Britain and the teens kill each other with knives. This is still horrible, but much better than if the teens had guns as guns are much more efficient tools for killing people. (Stray bullets also kill innocent bystanders, something knives generally don't do)

    Less crime might not actually be desirable if that reduced crime resulted in a thousand-fold increase in victim fatality. While watching a knife-wielding mugger shit himself when you pull a gun on him would be eminently satisfying, it gets less fun when the muggers figure out the best strategy is to shoot first and take the wallet from a corpse.