Friday, June 05, 2015

Okasare Kenny 2-2: Asphya

Continuing the serial I started back here.

2-2: Asphya

"That's Sulpa down," Celestrico said as the burning ruins of the bordello faded into the distance.  "Next we take on Asphya."

"Who is Asphya?" Ken asked.

"Asphya is the guardian of the Latex Womb."

"Guardian?  That doesn't sound very evil."

"Many foul abominations are birthed from the Latex Womb.  And unless it is destroyed, the demon queen can never truly be defeated.  Even if you do manage to beat her, her spirit will simply return to the Latex Womb and grow a new form."

"So we have to destroy the Latex Womb first."

"Precisely.  You're not as dumb as you look."

"Thanks," Ken said sarcastically.

His clouded memories knew of latex as both a rubber and a type of fetishistic clothing.  And also—and he had no idea which part of his closed-off memories this came from—a really fucking annoying word processor.  He assumed the use of latex in the name Latex Womb was just a coincidence.

The route to the Latex Womb took them back up into the hills.  Throughout the journey Ken saw no other travellers or any sign of human habitation.  When he pointed this out to Celestrico she rolled her eyes as if he'd just asked a really stupid question.

"This territory belongs to the demon queen.  Of course there are no humans here."

"Okay, in that case, where are the demons?"

"Well they're not going to be here are they.  There are no humans to feed upon."

Ken felt he was missing something here.

"Then why have territory at all?" he asked.

"Because she's the demon queen," Celestrico answered as if it made perfect sense.  Maybe it did to a demon.

Although they were heading back uphill, the air lost none of its warmth.  If anything the atmosphere seemed to be getting warmer and muggier.  The territory grew progressively rockier on either side of the road.  Clumps of boulders became looming rock faces on either side of them.  Ken hoped Celestrico was correct and there were no demons lurking about.  This was typical bandit country—perfect for ambushes.

"Who did the demon queen steal this land from originally?" Ken asked.

"Why do you care?"

"If I'm a hero, surely I'm trying to take back the land on behalf of someone."

"There is no need for there to be a someone," Celestrico said.  "The demon queen is a monster.  Heroes take what they want from monsters.  That's what makes them heroes."

"Heroes kinda sound like dicks," Ken said.

"To a demon that's all you are—a nice, juicy dick to be sucked and sucked until nothing is left."

There was a brightness to Celestrico's eyes that was totally unwholesome.

"I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or revolted," Ken said.

They followed the road upwards.  The canyon walls rose higher on each side of them.

"Ah, here we are.  The Latex Womb," Celestrico said.

The road turned a corner and opened out into a wider space ringed with high stone walls.  Strange rock formations rose up on either side of the natural amphitheatre.  They looked like the legs of a great stone giant.  In fact, it looked like a massive giant had fallen on their back with their—her?—legs wide open.  The road terminated at a cave entrance in the rock wall where the two rocky outcrops reminiscent of legs came together.  The location and shape of the cave entrance too closely resembled a female vagina to be accidental.

That wasn't the thing that bothered Ken the most.

The area surrounding the entrance and the walls within it were covered in a glossy black material.  The surfaces of this material were smooth and puffed out as though they were the skin to a massive inflatable.

There was no mistaking what he was seeing.  Ken was looking at a ginormous vagina made out of shiny black rubber.

"You've got to be fucking shitting me!"

Nope, nothing to see here.  Giant rubber vagina in a cliff face.  Nothing to see at all.

Imagination, we need to have words.


  1. If he doesn't learn to take names like these literally from know on, I'm calling bullshit =P

  2. "a really fucking annoying word processor."

    So, out of curiosity, I googled "latex word processor." This was the first result i received.

    "LaTeX is not a word processor! Instead, LaTeX encourages authors not to worry too much about the appearance of their documents but to concentrate on getting ..."

    1. Yep, that's the one I'm poking a bit of fun at. It's what research students have to use to put papers together (MS Word is very bad when it comes to formatting scientific equations). LaTeX is an annoyingly fiddly program to use (or at least was when I was at university). I'm taking a few liberties with pronunciation as I think it's technically lay-tech if I remember correctly. That Ken knows what it is may or may not be a slight hint to his past ;)

    2. I cannot help but think that a giant LaTex vagina in a cliffside would have been even funnier than a giant latex vagina.

      "Its giant, binary walls were glowing with !LaTex Errors. 'Something's wrong--perhaps a missing \item', the errors hummed in an eerie note that Ken could rather feel in the pit of his stomach than hear. A sickly, cold wetness gripped his stomach as he took a slow, tentative step closer, and he peered into the darkness deep inside, a darkness only an 'Undefined control sequence. \end{enumerate}' could produce.

      He turned around with a shudder. The trauma of the time he had tried to make a table in LaTex was still fresh on his mind.

      Why o why did it have to be a LaTex vagina of all things? As much as he loved vaginas, he could only hope the sight of this thing wouldn't spoil them for him, forever."

    3. Some things are too evil, even for me... :D

  3. Desert Eagle05/06/2015, 16:16

    Giant latex vagina. The Latex Womb.

    I may or may not have an idea of where this is going.

  4. So basically, one way or another, Ken isn't getting out of this adventure unbirthed... and THAT'S what makes her Asphya: He's going to get suffocated through the thing mentioned above!