Showing posts with label serial. Show all posts
Showing posts with label serial. Show all posts

Sunday, June 07, 2015

Okasare Kenny 2-4: Asphya

It's time for the boss to put in an appearance...

2-4: Asphya

Celestrico paused.  She cocked her head.  Her eyes widened in alarm.

"Gas trap!  Hold your breath, now!"

A vent opened up in the wall and squirted a jet of pink gas into the tunnel.  Both of them were surrounded by a thick cloud.  Thankfully, Celestrico's warning had given Ken enough time to take a deep breath and hold it.  He waited for the cloud to dissipate.  Celestrico flapped her wings to clear the cloud and it didn't take long for the tunnel to clear.

"What was that?" he asked.

"A defence mechanism," Celestrico explained.  "The gas is a potent mixture of aphrodisiacs and pheromones."

Was that all? Ken thought.  From her reaction he'd thought it was deadly poison gas.

"If you'd inhaled any you'd most likely be on the floor now, wanking yourself into a stupor.  Or trying to fuck me," she added with obvious distaste.

"Thanks.  Spare my feelings, why don't you," Ken said sarcastically.  "I take it the mighty hero on a quest to slay the demon queen isn't a turn-on for you."

"Sorry, you're not my type," Celestrico said.

Friend-zoned! a little voice chimed in Ken's head.

Typical.  The one devil girl that didn't appear to want to suck out all his life... and he wasn't her type.  If this was a wet dream, it was a particularly inept one.

Celestrico's tail whirled around while she cleared the last wisps of gas tickling around their ankles.

"Seems a bit of a weaksauce defence mechanism," Ken said.  "I'd have thought there were easier ways to incapacitate an intruder than making them wank themselves into a stupor."

Celestrico shrugged.  "Get too aroused and the Latex Womb absorbs you," she said.

Ken glanced suspiciously at the glossy black walls surrounding them.  Okay, no more ogling Celestrico's ass he thought.

They advanced further down the tunnel.

"Don't try to take the fight to Asphya."  Celestrico continued with her battle advice.  "You won't catch her and you'll only tire yourself out.  Let her come to you.  When she does, don't try and hit her with heavy attacks.  She'll just dodge them.  Use quick attacks—short jabs of your sword.  You won't hit her, but they won't use up too much stamina.  Make her do the running around.  Wear her out.  That way you'll be victorious."

Celestrico stopped.  The tunnel opened out ahead of them into a big, latex-walled cavern.

"It's through there," she said.  "Good luck."

This is it then, Ken thought.  He gripped his sword and marched forwards.  He could do this.  He was the chosen hero.  He'd already taken down Sulpa the succubus.

He walked out into the cavern.  The air here was warm and very humid.  Mist pooled around his ankles like dry ice.  The floor beneath him was still as springy as if he was walking across a bouncy castle.

Fighting on this is going to be fun, he thought.

So where was Asphya?

It didn't take long for his question to be answered.  An orifice in the far wall opened up and a squirming black figure gave vent to a long, ecstatic moan as it was excreted out onto the floor of the cavern.  The figure uncurled into the shape of a woman covered from head to toe in glossy black latex.  The rubber was stretched tight over her body like a second skin.  The only way Ken could tell she was in fact female was through the two bulges at her chest.  As with Celestrico and Sulpa, Asphya was endowed with a large pair of breasts.

He couldn't see her face.  It was covered in an equally glossy black gas mask.  Wild blue eyes stared out behind thick glass eye windows.  A short length of rubber hose hung down from the bottom of the mask.  Ken was disturbed to notice that it resembled a gas mask without exactly being a gas mask.  There was something disconcertingly organic about it, and he couldn't see where the mask ended and her catsuit—if it was a catsuit and not her skin—began.

Other mighty heroes got to battle against massive dragons and evil sorcerers.  Ken had to fight a fetish pin-up in a gas mask and latex catsuit.

He supposed he shouldn't be surprised.  He was inside a giant rubber vagina after all.

Asphya crouched down on all fours.  Challenge flashed in her blue eyes.  She charged.

to be continued...

Saturday, June 06, 2015

Okasare Kenny 2-3: Asphya

Asphya 2-3

There was no mistaking what he was seeing.  Ken was looking at a ginormous vagina made out of shiny black rubber.

"You've got to be fucking shitting me!"

"What's wrong?" Celestrico asked.

"What... that!"  He pointed at the oversized modern art sculpture waiting at the end of the path.

"What about it?"

"Oh come on.  There's no way that's natural or belongs there."

"Of course not.  It's demonic in origin," Celestrico said.

"It's... it's..."

Ken couldn't find the words.  It was a giant vagina made out of rubber and embedded in the side of a cliff face.  That shit was just totally wrong.

"The demonic has that effect on the human mind," Celestrico said sagely.

This was too fucked up, Ken thought.  This couldn't be real.  He must be dreaming.  Yes, that had to be it.  He hadn't gotten laid or jerked off for so long his subconscious mind was flooding his dreams with pervy imagery.

Celestrico had continued on a little way ahead of him.  She turned back.  "Stop ogling the giant pussy.  We have a womb to purify."

Ken pinched himself.

That didn't do anything so he had no other option but to follow Celestrico.

The air grew thicker and warmer as they approached the cave—Ken refused to think of it as a pussy—entrance.  The surface was unmistakably inflated black rubber.  Running his hand across it confirmed it was exactly as it appeared.  For the Latex Womb latex did in fact appear to mean latex.

The puffed up edges of the entrance slowly dilated as if breathing.  A faint sigh, barely audible, emanated from the depths.

"Is it alive?" he asked.

"Not in any sense you'd understand," Celestrico answered.

Which wasn't really an answer at all, when Ken thought about it.  Oh well.  More demon-y weirdness, he guessed.

They clambered up onto a low ridge that gave slightly beneath their weight.  It felt very much like stepping on a giant rubber inflatable to Ken.  They passed between the vertical lips of the cave entrance.  A long, rubber-walled tunnel stretched ahead of them.  The walls and floor were dimpled.  It reminded Ken of inflatable mattresses.  It even felt like he was walking on top of an inflatable mattress.

This was all too fucked up to be any kind of reality, Ken thought.  Too artificial.  The walls reminded him of backdrops he'd seen in fetish photoshoots.  Could he be on the set of a particularly sadistic reality TV show?  Nah, not even the most sociopathic of TV execs would be allowed to wipe the memory of contestants.


He felt a faint breeze on his face.  The airflow carried the scent of musky sweat and rubber, and was thick like a jungle stew.  The rubber walls were so dripping with condensation they appeared to be perspiring.

Celestrico and Ken walked further down the tunnel.  Their way was lit up by strange bladders in the ceiling filled with phosphorescent gel.  Ken heard strange hissing and wheezing sounds all around him, like air passing through great bellows.  The walls moved in and out as if breathing.

"The womb isn't far," Celestrico said.  "But before we can destroy it we have to defeat its guardian—Asphya.  At least with Asphya we won't have the same problem you had with Sulpa."

She looked reproachfully at Ken.

 "It's not my fault you sounded less plausible than her," Ken complained.

"Too busy staring at her tits more like," Celestrico sniped.

"You keep bringing Sulpa's tits up.  Is it because you're jealous they're bigger than yours," Ken sniped back.

Celestrico clouted him around the ear.

"Stay focused, Kenny!" she ordered.  "Sulpa is done.  Asphya is our objective now."

"It's Ken," Ken corrected.

Celestrico ignored him.  "First the good news—Asphya isn't very strong.  If you can get hold of her, you will overpower her.

"Now the bad—getting hold of her will be very difficult.  She's very quick and agile.

"Her favourite strategy—and turn on—is to run her opponent out of breath.  She'll use her speed and agility to get within your range and then dodge out before you can hit her.  She'll try to provoke you into swinging wildly at her until you run out of stamina.

"Don't do this.  Don't chase after her.  Don't—"

Celestrico paused.  She cocked her head.  Her eyes widened in alarm.

"Gas trap!  Hold your breath, now!"

Traps.  Ooo, how exciting.  To be continued...

Friday, June 05, 2015

Okasare Kenny 2-2: Asphya

Continuing the serial I started back here.

2-2: Asphya

"That's Sulpa down," Celestrico said as the burning ruins of the bordello faded into the distance.  "Next we take on Asphya."

"Who is Asphya?" Ken asked.

"Asphya is the guardian of the Latex Womb."

"Guardian?  That doesn't sound very evil."

"Many foul abominations are birthed from the Latex Womb.  And unless it is destroyed, the demon queen can never truly be defeated.  Even if you do manage to beat her, her spirit will simply return to the Latex Womb and grow a new form."

"So we have to destroy the Latex Womb first."

"Precisely.  You're not as dumb as you look."

"Thanks," Ken said sarcastically.

His clouded memories knew of latex as both a rubber and a type of fetishistic clothing.  And also—and he had no idea which part of his closed-off memories this came from—a really fucking annoying word processor.  He assumed the use of latex in the name Latex Womb was just a coincidence.

The route to the Latex Womb took them back up into the hills.  Throughout the journey Ken saw no other travellers or any sign of human habitation.  When he pointed this out to Celestrico she rolled her eyes as if he'd just asked a really stupid question.

"This territory belongs to the demon queen.  Of course there are no humans here."

"Okay, in that case, where are the demons?"

"Well they're not going to be here are they.  There are no humans to feed upon."

Ken felt he was missing something here.

"Then why have territory at all?" he asked.

"Because she's the demon queen," Celestrico answered as if it made perfect sense.  Maybe it did to a demon.

Although they were heading back uphill, the air lost none of its warmth.  If anything the atmosphere seemed to be getting warmer and muggier.  The territory grew progressively rockier on either side of the road.  Clumps of boulders became looming rock faces on either side of them.  Ken hoped Celestrico was correct and there were no demons lurking about.  This was typical bandit country—perfect for ambushes.

"Who did the demon queen steal this land from originally?" Ken asked.

"Why do you care?"

"If I'm a hero, surely I'm trying to take back the land on behalf of someone."

"There is no need for there to be a someone," Celestrico said.  "The demon queen is a monster.  Heroes take what they want from monsters.  That's what makes them heroes."

"Heroes kinda sound like dicks," Ken said.

"To a demon that's all you are—a nice, juicy dick to be sucked and sucked until nothing is left."

There was a brightness to Celestrico's eyes that was totally unwholesome.

"I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or revolted," Ken said.

They followed the road upwards.  The canyon walls rose higher on each side of them.

"Ah, here we are.  The Latex Womb," Celestrico said.

The road turned a corner and opened out into a wider space ringed with high stone walls.  Strange rock formations rose up on either side of the natural amphitheatre.  They looked like the legs of a great stone giant.  In fact, it looked like a massive giant had fallen on their back with their—her?—legs wide open.  The road terminated at a cave entrance in the rock wall where the two rocky outcrops reminiscent of legs came together.  The location and shape of the cave entrance too closely resembled a female vagina to be accidental.

That wasn't the thing that bothered Ken the most.

The area surrounding the entrance and the walls within it were covered in a glossy black material.  The surfaces of this material were smooth and puffed out as though they were the skin to a massive inflatable.

There was no mistaking what he was seeing.  Ken was looking at a ginormous vagina made out of shiny black rubber.

"You've got to be fucking shitting me!"

Nope, nothing to see here.  Giant rubber vagina in a cliff face.  Nothing to see at all.

Imagination, we need to have words.

Thursday, June 04, 2015

Okasare Kenny 2-1: Asphya

Welcome to Okasare Kenny, my lunatic attempt to live-write a novel/serial, daily.  The first part can be found here.  Currently we appear to be in a slight bind as I rather carelessly killed off my protagonist at the end of the last chapter (as you do).  Normally this would present a problem for a longer novel/serial, but... well... read on for yourselves:

2-1: Asphya

Ken opened his eyes.  He was outside and lying on his back.  He smelt smoke, heard the crackling of flames and felt the heat of fire.

He also heard clapping.

He turned his head to see Celestrico standing by the side of the road.  She was enthusiastically applauding him.

"You did it!" she said with a wide, beaming smile on her pretty face.

"I did?"

"Yes!  It looked a little dicey for a while, but then you found some hidden strength and pulled through to beat her."

"I did?" Ken repeated, more uncertainly.

This time it was his short-term memory that was fucked up.  He remembered entering the bordello, going upstairs with Sulpa, and then...

He sat up.

The top left quarter of Sulpa's bordello was ablaze.  There was a big hole in the wall as if something had exploded outwards.  Debris lay on the road all around Ken.  Some of it was still on fire.

"What a fight!" Celestrico gushed.  "To come back like that when all seemed lost... you're the champion that can go all the way.  I'm sure of it."

Ken was still holding his sword in his left hand.  The blade was drenched in red blood.

"What happened?" he asked.

"What happened?  You mean you don't remember?"

Ken smiled apologetically and shook his head.

"I remember going inside... talking to Sulpa... going upstairs with her...  Fuck, did I really fuck her?"

"That was a little foolish," Celestrico said.  "I know I told you to pretend to be one of her victims to get close to her, but actually having sex with her was way closer than you needed to be.  That was too risky.  Most men are lost the moment they put their dick in a succubus's pussy."

Ken thought he had been lost.  The last he remembered was a fade to black that felt disturbingly close to death.

"Not you though," Celestrico continued.  "You found a hero's strength lying within you.  You broke her enchantment, cast her off and then fought and defeated her.  It was marvellous to watch."

"I don't remember any of it," Ken said.

"That's weird," Celestrico said.  She put a finger to her lips and frowned thoughtfully.  "I wonder if this is a side effect of passing through the Arch of Lee-fee.  It might still be interfering with your memory."

"Sulpa said it was you messing with my head," Ken said.

Celestrico rolled her eyes.  "Pulease.  You're going to believe the word of a skank succubus that just tried to suck your brains out through your cock over me, your faithful guide on this difficult and extremely arduous quest?"

There was a slightly awkward pause.

"Don't tell me that's the reason you let her fuck you."

There was an even more awkward pause.

Celestrico sighed and shook her head.

"No, it's my fault," she said.  "It's the risk of going with Sulpa first.  She's the weakest of the thirteen, but she can be very persuasive if given the chance to talk, especially when she jiggles those big slutty titties of hers and men start listening with their second head between their legs.  I should have anticipated you'd be vulnerable to that, given that you've just passed through the arch and your head is still messed up."

Celestrico lowered her head in contemplative thought.

"I could have started with one of the others," she said, "but most heroes just don't have the stats to take them on at the start.  Hmm, things to consider for next time."

"Wait, next time?" Ken said.

"Yes, for the next champion to come through the arch."

"I thought you said I was the one that was going all the way."

"Yes, you are.  But that doesn't mean I shouldn't have some contingency plans in place.  Just in case."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Ken said.

"Stop whining," Celestrico said.  "It's very unbecoming for a holy champion."

Ken shook his head in exasperation.  He looked around at the devastation someone—him, apparently—had carried out on the bordello.

"So I really am some kind of powerful demon-slaying hero?" he asked.

"Better than that," Celestrico said with a smile that showed off the delicate points of her fangs.  "You're a level two powerful demon-slaying hero.  Ding!"

What was it with the videogame terminology? Ken thought.  Sighing, he followed her down the road away from the burning bordello.

"And thus did the mighty hero, Kenny, begin his epic quest to end the reign of the demon queen by defeating the sinful and thoroughly skanky succubus, Sulpa," Celestrico said.

"It's Ken," Ken corrected.  "Ken not Kenny.  I don't like Kenny."

Celestrico gave no indication she'd heard him.

Ken glanced back at the burning building.  That was him, apparently.  Which was kind of awesome.

Sex with Sulpa had also been kind of awesome, at least at the start.  Shame he'd had to kill her.

A weird thing happened as he turned his head back.  For a brief moment, when the bordello was in the corner of his eye, the smoke and all the damage appeared to vanish.  The building reverted to its original undamaged state.

Only for a moment.

When Ken turned back to look at the bordello directly he saw fires were still raging on the upper floor, sending a thick black pall of smoke up into the sky.

He must have imagined it, he decided.  He turned back and followed Celestrico down the road.

"That's Sulpa down," Celestrico said as the burning ruins of the bordello faded into the distance.  "Next we take on Asphya."

Questions... questions...

Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Okasare Kenny 1-8: Sulpa

So who's messing with poor Kenny's head more - Celestrico or Sulpa?  Time for the last part of Chapter 1.

1-8: Sulpa

"So this is your kinky speciality?" he said.  "A sex game where you use your succubus powers to subdue your client and pretend to drain their life.  Right?"

He said it more in hope than anything.  He didn't have anything else—Sulpa's vagina had rendered him completely helpless beneath her.

Sulpa's eyes twinkled mischievously.  She caressed his cheek.  "No.  This is not pretend.  My demon pussy really is going to suck out all your life."

So much for that then.

"Whatever happened to good business sense?" he asked.

Sulpa smiled.  "There are always more foolhardy adventurers."

And so much for sensible logic.

Sulpa inhaled.  Her vagina inhaled.  It didn't matter Ken had come only moments before.  His cock was rock-hard within her snug sheath and his arousal was being tugged higher and higher.

"There was one thing I didn't lie about," Sulpa said.  "The feeding process is extremely pleasurable for my victims."

She inhaled again and the fleshy walls of her vagina pulsed and fluttered around his erection.  It felt like many dextrous fingers stroking up and down his shaft.

"If my clients could come back, I'm sure they would," Sulpa said.

She clutched her big boobs and moaned in pleasure as she rode Ken's squirming form.  Within her pussy the membrane wrapped around Ken's glans pulsed like the bell of a jellyfish.

"Mmm, yes," Sulpa sighed.  "I promised you big, fat, juicy orgasms."

The stretchy membrane at the back of her vagina stretched taut across the swollen tip of his cock.  Her whole body inhaled.

Ken grunted and shuddered as she sucked one of those big, fat, juicy orgasms out of him.  He spurted another massive load of cum into the tight clasp of her pussy.  Again that membrane greedily drank up every drop of his issue.  The nimbus around Sulpa's horns changed to a soft white glow.  As Ken bucked and pumped his semen up into her, the veins inside her translucent horns throbbed white.

"So nice," Sulpa murmured.

She hadn't lied about it being pleasurable.  Ken felt satisfied like he'd never before been satisfied—either through great sex or epic porn-fuelled masturbation sessions.

"There's no need to be afraid," Sulpa said.  "This is what it feels like—one big, fat, juicy orgasm after another."

Ken disagreed.  There was plenty of need to be afraid when it was his life slowly being drained away.

Sulpa's soft pussy throbbed and squeezed.  The whole of Ken's still-hard erection felt warm and pleasantly tingly.  Another flex, another suck, and Ken was coming again.  His thoughts were whited out by the pleasurable throbs of ejaculation as he released his semen—and more of his life—deep inside her.

Sulpa cooed with pleasure.  She pursed her fulsome lips and exhaled a little plume of white smoke.  Her horns had filled with so much white they were opaque and milky-white in colour.

"Mmm.  One big, fat, juicy orgasm after another," she sighed.  Her eyes were also filling up—becoming cloudy-white in colour.

Her pussy flexed... squeezed.  Another orgasm erupted from Ken.  It felt like it had been dragged up from his toes.

Fuck, this was happening.  Really happening.  He was going to die here.  That couldn't be right.  Wasn't he supposed to be the chosen hero?  He couldn't fall to the first boss like this.

Sulpa fell forward on top of him.  Her body covered Ken like a warm blanket.  She wrapped her arms around him and her lips found his.  She lost him in another dreamy kiss.  The cushioned walls of her vagina continued to throb around his over-sensitised cock.  Slow this time.  Slow and sensuous.  When the orgasm came it bubbled up out of him like gas escaping a deep ocean vent.  When it burst on the surface, pleasure washed all through his body.  Washed everything else away.

Another bubble welled up.  And another.  And another.

Ken was lost in a dreamlike cocoon of bliss.  Uncomfortable niggling sensations of his skin starting to pull tight against his bones and his internal organs beginning to crinkle up couldn't penetrate.  There was only Sulpa and her warm body on top of his, her soft lips against his, her softer vagina gently sucking on his erection...

Another big bubble welled up and burst with a blissful plop.

Mercifully, Ken had already drifted away into pleasant oblivion when his organs started to fail.

Goddammit Horror-Head!  I leave you alone for five minutes and you go and off my protagonist.  This is supposed to be a full novel, not one of my short stories.  We do not let our sexy succubi eat the main guy in a full novel.  That's just... grrr!

Oh well, next up: Okasare Kenny Someone Else: Asphya

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Okasare Kenny 1-7: Sulpa

Welcome to Okasare Kenny, one author's foolhardy attempt to live-write a novel and post it on his blog, daily (sort of).  The first part can be found here.  Last up our hero found himself in a very precarious (but sexy) predicament.

1-7: Sulpa

"You shouldn't believe what a succubus tells you," Sulpa said.  "We're delightfully deceitful creatures."

Ken's surprise at this sudden turn of events was overtaken by a more pressing biological function.  Sulpa's pussy throbbed around his cock and his arousal—already hovering just below the brink—finally bubbled over.  Ken grunted and his body bucked involuntarily as a powerful orgasm surged through him.  Sulpa rode his body like a wave.  Her vagina remained as tight a hold on his erection as a vacuum tube.  Ken's cock swelled within the cushioned grip of her pussy and deposited a massive load of semen into her smothering flesh.

"Mmm, delicious," Sulpa sighed.

Whatever membrane enfolded the tip of her cock greedily absorbed his cum right down to the last drop.

It absorbed something else as well.

Was absorbing.

It had come out with his ejaculation and continued to flow out of his penis like air from a punctured balloon.  Ken felt like he was deflating in the same way.

"Can you feel my delectable little pussy draining all your strength," Sulpa teased.

The soft fleshy walls of her vagina squeezed and throbbed around him.  The sinfully slippery membrane at the end continued to draw his strength out through his cock.  Her translucent horns were picked out in the darkness with a faint red nimbus.  The same red glow travelled up inside them in pulsing veins.

Ken realised too late what Celestrico had meant when she'd told him it wasn't Sulpa's normal mouth he should fear.

What insanity had possessed him to make him think going to bed with Sulpa was a good idea?  His head was still fogged with it even now.  At the back of his mind a soothing voice kept telling him to ignore what was happening, to not worry, to lie back and enjoy it.

He had to shake it off.

Sulpa's soft pussy clenched tighter around him and she moaned in pleasure as Ken weakened beneath her.

Had to shake her off.

At least she hadn't vamped up or hulked out into a more monstrous form.  She was still just a slip of a whore with big boobs.  All he had to do was throw her off.  Lift up his body and...

...he couldn't.  It felt like his upper body had doubled in weight and kept growing heavier.

He tried to buck her off, to put up his arms and shove her off.  Sulpa smiled at his feeble efforts.  She rode him like a broken horse.  All the time her vagina kept a deathgrip on his cock and continued to suck.

"Mmm, I'm sucking all the fight right out of you," Sulpa sighed.  "Soon you won't be able to resist at all."

Ken glimpsed his sword lying over on the edge of the bed where he'd discarded it.  If only he could reach it...


Too far.

He reached for the sword, his palm open as if straining to will it—Jedi-style—into his hand.  Celestrico said he had hidden powers.  He could hope.  Right?

Sulpa noticed.  "I think we'll take any magic power, just in case.  I don't want any surprises."

Her vagina gave a strange shudder and squirmed against his trapped cock.  Ken felt an even stranger feeling inside him.  It tumbled up his shaft and was released as a little puff inside her.

The nimbus around her horns changed to blue.  It was not there very long.  Sulpa's eyes widened in surprise.

"Oh.  That’s not much," she said.  "I expected more from a champion."

She placed a hand on his chest and let her fingers twirl through his hairs.

"If I'd known you were this weak I'd have saved us a lot of time and simply charmed you into submission downstairs.  I suppose it makes for a more interesting game this way."

Ken's body felt like it had been replaced with sacks of wet sand.  He couldn't even lift his head up off the mattress.

"So this is your kinky speciality?" he said.  "A sex game where you use your succubus powers to subdue your client and pretend to drain their life.  Right?"

He said it more in hope than anything.  He didn't have anything else—Sulpa's vagina had rendered him completely helpless beneath her.

Sulpa's eyes twinkled mischievously.

Phew, that's a relief.  It was looking like this was going to be a very short novel at one point.  To be continued...

Monday, June 01, 2015

Okasare Kenny 1-6: Sulpa

Back to daily and also back with the explicit descriptions of succubus fucking.  Usual warnings apply.

1-6: Sulpa

"Let's fuck," she whispered.

Ken smiled and nodded.  That sounded like the most splendid idea of all.

Sulpa sat up and straddled him.  She reached under her to grab his cock and position it between her legs.  She stared at Ken as the pliable folds of her vagina parted around the swollen tip of Ken's erection and she slowly eased herself down around him.   He felt her moist heat brush down his shaft and the soft flesh gently squeeze him.

Yes, totally splendid, Ken thought.

Sulpa positioned herself to get comfortable and then her hips started to smoothly move up and down as she commenced fucking.  He watched his penis slide in and out of her pussy as she rose up and down on top of him.  He revelled in the sensation of her silken vagina enveloping his manhood and brushing up and down the shaft.  She was tight and extremely wet.  Her fluid movements generated just enough friction to build an erotic charge in Ken's loins.

And suction.  He felt it pull on him with each of her upstrokes.  It was as if her vagina couldn't bear to let even a millimetre of his manhood escape her.

"Mmm, yes," Sulpa sighed.

Ken moaned with her.

The mattress was soft and deep enough for both of their bodies to sink into it, but also had enough spring to aid the motions of their fucking.  Ken tensed his thighs and buttocks and thrust back, lifting her up and driving his cock deeper into the warm interior of her vagina.

Sulpa pinned him to the bed and speeded up to a faster rhythm.  Up, down, her body crashed into his and sent ripples of pleasure through his flesh.

"Oh, that feels so good," Ken sighed.

He understood why her clients came all the way out here.  And if that had been his original intention, past-Ken was a smart chappie.

Sulpa's pendulous breasts swung back and forth with her movements.  Little dewdrops of perspiration blossomed on her smooth, dusky skin.  With each stroke her sensual lips bunched up in a lush pout and she exhaled a fervid sigh.  Throughout it all her intense dark eyes remained fixed on his.

Whatever past-Ken had been, he'd picked up some experience in the bedroom.  Current-Ken was grateful he'd been bequeathed some staying power.  Sulpa was so hot, her pussy so tight, her movements so skilled it was taking all of his will to keep from coming too soon.

It helped that Sulpa was helping him.  Every time Ken thought he couldn't hold it in any longer she changed pace and rhythm.  Each change was like a short breather.  It brought him back from the brink, but only temporarily as Sulpa started up again and lifted his arousal even higher.  He stopped trying to thrust up with her.  Instead he lay back and luxuriated in the motions of her body.  She had the experience and what she was doing—all her little hip wiggles and changes of angle—felt incredible.

He smiled up at her and told her so, "You're incredible."

Sulpa rose up almost all the way off him.  Then she came down in one smooth motion that gobbled up the whole length of his shaft.  His swollen tip encountered a squishy obstruction at the back of her vagina.  Her body bore down on him and pushed the tip of his cock through the fleshy aperture and into a chamber filled with warm viscous fluid.

"Mmm.  Got you."  Sulpa smiled down at him.

She clenched.  Her pussy contracted around his cock and gripped it like a soft, fleshy vice.  The strange chamber at the end of her pussy wrapped tightly around the whole of Ken's bulbous glans, tight enough it was almost as though the two organs had merged into one.  He felt an odd sensation—like her vagina was not just sucking on his cock but the whole of his body.

"You shouldn't believe what a succubus tells you," Sulpa said.  "We're delightfully deceitful creatures."

to be continued...

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Okasare Kenny 1-5: Sulpa

The posting schedule is still a little erratic, but I'm trying to get on top of it.  Also, Sulpa has finally grown tired of playing with her food, so the usual NSFW and Don't-be-here-if-you're-younger-than-18 warnings apply.

1-5: Sulpa

"Wait!  Did you just say you were a succubus?  As in sex demon vampire thing succubus?"

"Yes," Sulpa said.  "Isn't it obvious?"

She pointed to the horns on top of her head.  She partially extended her gossamer bat wings.  She even grabbed her tail and waggled the tip in Ken's direction."

"Those are real?"

"Yes," Sulpa said.  "What did you think they were?"

"I thought I was seeing things," Ken said.  "Because of what Celestrico did to me."

Assuming Celestrico had done anything to him.  He had made an accord with his brain that he was going to treat everything that looked obviously weird as not there until his head cleared up.  That had fallen down around his feet.

"So this—all I'm seeing—is real?"

"Yes," Sulpa answered.  She seemed both bemused and amused.

Ken sprang backwards and reached for the sword at his belt.  His feet tangled in a cushion on the floor and he lost balance, nearly tipping over.

Sulpa arched an eyebrow.  "What are you doing?"

"You're a succubus—a sex demon vampire thing."


"You're going to suck all my energy out."

Ken managed to unsheathe his sword and waved it defensively in front of him.  Celestrico was right.  Fuck, she was right.

Sulpa didn't vamp out and attempt to fang him in the throat.  She watched his antics with puzzled amusement.

"Succubi do absorb some of their partner's energies during sexual intercourse, but we don't have to take it all," she said.  "And it wouldn't be good business in my line of work.  If I ate my clients I'd quickly run out of clients."

The tip of Ken's sword wavered but didn't drop.

"You look a little on-edge," Sulpa said.  "Why don't I leave you alone to rest and get your head back in order.  We can always have a good long fuck in the morning when you're feeling better."

"So you're just a prostitute that also happens to be a succubus?" Ken asked.

"It's a good arrangement," Sulpa said with a sultry smile.  "My food comes to me and pays for the pleasure of being fed upon."

Ken felt like an idiot.  Again.

She wasn't going to attack him.  She was just a pretty little hooker.

A pretty little hooker with wings and horns, but still a pretty little hooker.

He lowered his sword.

"My head is completely fucked up," he said.  "I keep seeing images of another world, one where everything's more advanced and there's no magic or demons.  It feels so real as well.  Like I'm from there originally.  Is that possible?"

"Celestrico really scrambled your brains," Sulpa said sympathetically.

"I just can't remember," he snarled in frustration.

Sulpa glided up to him.  Her warm hands slipped beneath his tunic and caressed his chest.

"You've had a rough day," she cooed.  "Let the soft touch of a woman soothe you."

She pressed her body against his.  Her perfume—spicy and exotic—bloomed around him in a cloud.

"A nice relaxing fuck with a mistress of pleasure is exactly what you need," Sulpa breathed in his ear.

That sounded like a bloody good idea to Ken.


"This feeding, does it hurt?"

Amusement glimmered in Sulpa's dark eyes.  "It's extremely pleasurable," she said.  "My clients wouldn't be so eager to come back if it wasn't."

She tilted her fulsome lips up to his ear.

"I suck big, fat, juicy orgasms out of their cocks until they're writhing helplessly with pleasure."

Ken's heart fluttered before finding a new, faster pace.  Blood surged to his crotch.

"And if you don't believe me...  You're bigger than me.  Stronger.  More muscular."

Her lithe body squirmed in his arms.  Her hands found and gently squeezed his biceps.

"I'm sure a big strong hero like you would have no problems throwing a tiny little whore like me off you if you thought she'd drank enough."

Yes, that was right.  He could always stop her if it started to look dangerous.

He let her help him undo his belt and then remove his silly swords'n'sandal-wear.  Her hands and soft lips roamed all over his exposed flesh.  She pressed closer and he felt the little nubs of her nipples rub against his chest.  They left little streamers of pleasure in their wake.  Her lips wrapped around his nipple and he felt a blissful jolt as her lapping tongue tickled it.  Her hand found his erection and gently slithered up and down the shaft.

She looked up at him with dark, hungry eyes.  "Let's go to bed."

That also sounded like a really splendid idea.

He let her manoeuvre him around towards the bed.  The back of his legs came up against the mattress and he let himself fall backwards into its soft clasp.

And it was soft.  Soft and extremely comfortable.  He slithered further back until his whole body rested in the centre of the massive bed.  Sulpa came with him, on top and raining soft kisses down on him all the way.  Her hand continued to gently stroke his erection.

Her lips moved up his body until they finally found his mouth.  She lay on top of him and they shared a dreamy kiss.

Dimly, Ken realised his left hand was still wrapped around something.  He let go of it so he could put his arms around Sulpa and lose himself totally in the kiss.

She broke it off and what seemed a blissful eternity.  She stared down at him with her big, dark eyes.  They were like whirlpools.  They pulled him in and drowned him.

"Let's fuck," she whispered.

And let's pause it there because I am evil personified.  This time it will definitely continue tomorrow as I got carried away and wrote so much for part 1-5 I ended up splitting it into two parts.

Friday, May 29, 2015

Okasare Kenny 1-4: Sulpa

And we're back!  Sorry about that.  The pause ended up being a little longer than anticipated.  This part ended up being a complete nightmare to write for some reason.  About six or seven versions of it ended up in the wastepaper basket over the last couple of days.  Either the characters weren't right or the story was spinning wheels without actually going anywhere.  Sometimes that happens (and I suspect there will be a few more similar pauses where the story gets stuck before the whole tale is told).  Anyway, here's part 1-4 and I hope I won't be making you wait as long for part 1-5.

1-4: Sulpa

She turned her dark eyes on Ken.  They smouldered like sultry magnets.

"Why don't we go upstairs and fuck?"

That sounded like a good idea actually.  Ken started to get to his feet.


She tempts unwary travellers and feeds off their life force.

No, not that.  That was Celestrico's silliness.

"Will I need to pay for this?" he asked.

Sulpa gave him a languid nod of her head.  "All who enter my house are welcome to partake of the pleasures of my body... for a price."

That was annoying.  Did he even have any money?  Yes.  He did, surprisingly enough.  He found a pouch bulging with coins hanging from his waist.  Had that always been there?

He detached the pouch and emptied some of the coins into his hand.  They looked like gold.

Or this was really his wallet and the funky post-hypnotic suggestion shit was fucking with his perception and making him see it as a fantasy-world equivalent.

"Five of those and all this..."  Sulpa stood up and swept her hands over the perfect contours of her body.  " yours for the night."

That sounded perfectly reasonable to Ken.

Assuming the money was his and he was not carrying it on behalf of someone else.  It would be more than a little awkward if he later found out it belonged to the local crime lord and he had to explain how he'd blown it on a hot hooker.

Sulpa saw his reluctant expression.  "You were likely on your way to spend your coin on me anyway," she said.  "There's no real other reason for travellers to be out here."

"Well in that case I owe it to past-Ken to carry out his wishes," Ken said with a charming smile.

He walked around the table and dropped five coins into Sulpa's outstretched palm.  She secreted them about her person, as scantily-dressed as it was, like a magician making coins vanish.

"That's my name, by the way," Ken said.  "Ken."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Ken," Sulpa said.

Lithe and graceful, Sulpa led him to the curtain she'd entered through.  She glanced over her shoulder at him.  "My room is this way."

The passageway beyond was dark and the only illumination was tainted with fleshy shades of pink and red.  He followed Sulpa's shapely rump up two flights of stairs.  It was a lovely sight if a little spoilt by the shitty post-hypnotic suggestion that caused him to see a slender tail swinging back and forth with her hips.

Although it wasn't that bad.

Strangely alluring, in a way.

Current-Ken wondered if past-Ken had some strange tastes he'd neglected to tell him about.

He followed Sulpa around an intimate maze of narrow corridors.  This place seemed a little bigger than it looked from the outside, Ken thought.  He didn't pass any doors.  All the rooms were hidden behind thick sets of red drapes.  He tried to peep through the gaps and saw only darkness inside.

Sulpa stopped before one room and pulled the curtains aside.  They didn't swish aside like normal curtains.  The fabric was fixed in the centre of both floor and ceiling.  The entrance stretched open like the pupil of a cat's eye.

Or a particularly private part of the female anatomy, Ken thought.  An impression that was likely deliberately encouraged.

Sulpa turned to him.  Her lips were bunched up in a lush pout.  "Come inside," she said.

Nothing accidental about that innuendo either.

I'd love to, Ken thought.  Lots.

The room on the other side was mostly all bed.  A massive circular mattress lay against one corner.  It was piled high with fancy cushions and looked invitingly soft and luxurious.  Sulpa stood to the side, her body equally invitingly soft and luxurious.

"This is a little full on," Ken said.

"It's okay to have second thoughts," Sulpa said.  "This is a house of pleasure.  No-one is forced to do anything they don't want to."

"Oh I want to," Ken said.  "It's just this damn memory loss.  I don't know me.  I might be the sort that's uncomfortable with the idea of paying for it."

"You don't know how comfortable I can make you feel," Sulpa said.

Faint exotic scents tickled Ken's nostrils.

"I don't doubt it," he said.  "But I'm going to feel like a real piece of shit tomorrow if I wake up and remember I have a girlfriend or wife."

"Why?  You have a perfect excuse," Sulpa said.  "You were ensorcelled... confused.  Any lover, if she truly loves you, would understand."

She slowly peeled away the gossamer veils covering the shiny curves of her gorgeous breasts.

"You're a very bad girl," Ken smiled.  "Leading me astray like this."

Fuck it.  She was as hot as fuck.  He'd deal with the consequences—if there were any—later.

"Of course, what else would you expect from a succubus," Sulpa said.

I suspect the only one who thinks that's a twist is poor Kenny.  Let's see how he handles it next time (which hopefully won't be as long as the wait for this part).

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Okasare Kenny 1-3: Sulpa

Typical me.  Leave it on a mini-cliffhanger and then neglect to update it the next day.  While I will try to keep a daily schedule, there will be the occasional blip.  Anyway, resuming our story...

1-3: Sulpa

Sulpa sighed.  She gestured to the far side of the table.

"Come, sit down.  There are some things you should know."

Well, this has deviated from the plan somewhat, Ken thought.  As Sulpa was not actively trying to fang him in the throat, he supposed he should hear her out.


He got back to his feet and took a place on the far side of the table.  He still kept hold of his sword.

"Celestrico is a trickster," Sulpa said.  "This is one of her games.  I'm sorry you've been dragged into it."

"So I'm not the brave hero chosen by destiny to rid the world of the demon queen?" Ken said.

To her credit Sulpa did try very hard not to laugh.

"Do you feel like a mighty warrior capable of taking on the forces of darkness single-handed?" Sulpa asked.

Ken looked at the sword in his hand, the one he wasn't really sure he knew how to wield correctly.

"I thought it sounded really silly," he said.  "But my head is so screwed up—I've lost my memory—I didn't have anything else to go on."

"That's Celestrico," Sulpa said.  "It's part of her game.  She finds a lone traveller, ensorcells them to cloud their memories and then convinces them they're on a vital and holy quest."

And probably screws around with their perception as well, Ken thought.  Just because he could see horns on Sulpa's head and bat wings sprouting from her back didn't mean they were there.  Maybe Celestrico had done that as well—hypnotized him into seeing a demon when all that was there was a harmless young woman.

It unnerved him.  He'd thought hypnotism was just a stage trick.  For someone to reach into his head like this and scramble his brain made him feel all skeevy.  Like returning home to find someone had been through all his private belongings.  No, worse than that.  This was his head, his thoughts—it didn't get any more personal.

"How do I reverse it?" has asked.

Seeing horns on every pretty girl he looked at wasn't going to be conducive to a healthy sex life.

"You'll be okay," Sulpa said.  "Your memory will come back in a day or so.  It did for the others."

That was a relief.  He still felt dirty.  Used.  He doubted that feeling would go away anytime soon.

"Why does she do it?" he asked.

Sulpa shrugged.  "Fun.  It amuses her.  She's always had a mischievous side."

Ken looked at his sword.  It was hard, metallic and pointy.  If he impaled someone with it they'd end up very dead.  Haha, let's all laugh at the innocent person twitching in agony on the end of a sword while they bleed out.

"Mischievous?  I'd go with sociopathic," he said.  "You're taking it way better than I would if I knew some lunatic was brain-washing hapless men and sending them on crazy quests to kill me."

"All of us around here are familiar with Celestrico's games," Sulpa said.  "They're not that dangerous.  She doesn't risk playing with powerful warriors.  Simple travellers and merchants are her usual playthings.  Men—and sometimes women—who aren't skilled in the combat arts."

"Yeah, but neither are dancers.  And you're unarmed," Ken pointed out.  He couldn't believe how blasé she was about the whole thing.  "What if I hadn't listened and attacked you?  You could be injured or even dead by now."

"I can look after myself."  The corner of Sulpa's lips turned up in a mysterious smile.  "If anything, it's you who should be more worried about death and injury.  There are others Celestrico could have sent you after, others that take a much dimmer view of would-be assassins."

Oh... shit, yeah.  Ken imagined what might have happened had his target been a local crime lord or dignitary—someone with bodyguards—and quickly pushed the image aside.  It was not pretty picture.

"You're lucky Celestrico chose me as your target," Sulpa said.  "The ones I've been forced to subdue enjoyed being subdued by me so much some of them returned as regular clients."

There was a dirty twinkle in her dark eyes and her smile was less than innocent.

Ken was still thinking of how much worse it could have been.  He wondered how much of his perception was fucked up.  How much of what he saw was real?  Was it a sword in his hand, or just a stick?  That might explain why she was so unconcerned by his appearance.  He thought he was in a brothel.  What if it was really someone's front living room?

"Ugh.  Sorry about this," Ken said.  "I'm feeling totally headfucked at the moment."

"That is Celestrico's intention," Sulpa said.

"What now?" Ken asked.

"You should rest here awhile and let your head clear.  Mmm..."

Sulpa placed a finger against her lips and stared thoughtfully into space.  The movement brought Ken's attention to her plump, sensual lips.  They glistened moistly in the low, intimate light.

"I do have a suggestion for how we can occupy that time."

She turned her dark eyes on Ken.  They smouldered like sultry magnets.

"Why don't we go upstairs and fuck?"

Uh oh.  Danger danger, Will Robinson Ken Parker-Stone.  We'll see how that pans out... tomorrow (possibly)

Friday, May 22, 2015

Okasare Kenny 1-2: Sulpa

A little later than planned, but still technically the next day.  I think.

1-2: Sulpa

Heart thudding in his chest, Ken pushed the door open and stepped inside.  On the other side was a short corridor with a thick red drape at the end.  He remembered he was still wielding his sword and that marching into someone's front room with a drawn sword probably sent out the wrong impression.  He found a sheath attached to the belt around his waist and sheathed his sword.  He kept his left hand close.  The moment he saw a misplaced wrinkle or the slightest point of a fang this bad boy was coming straight back out again.

On the other side of the curtain was a luxurious waiting area.  The air was warmer inside and thick with a heady blend of incense.  The source of the heat was a large fireplace tucked into the far wall.  Jos sticks were positioned around the room and sent out hazy tendrils of perfumed smoke.  The floor was carpeted in thick furs and piled high with plump cushions in pastel shades of pink, red and purple.  An ornate hookah stood on a low table near the door.

Evidently they weren't kidding around with that partaking of pleasures thing, Ken thought.  Add a few dusky maidens dressed in nothing more than billowy see-through robes and he'd be able to fool himself into thinking he'd just walked into one of those decadent harem palaces of yore.

Currently it was a very empty pleasure palace of yore.  No dusky maidens in simmering gowns.  No grossly overweight, bald merchants ogling them.  No lantern-jawed heroic types being all manly while ogling them.

There was only Ken Parker-Stone, possible demon-slayer extraordinaire.

Hmm.  What did he do now?  Put his feet up and wait for the demon to come along and attempt to seduce him into offering up his throat?  At the moment there was a noticeable absence of both sexy seductions and throat attacks.

Silvery bells tinkled deeper in the building.  After a short pause a curtain on the other side of the room swished aside and a dusky-skinned, dark-haired maiden who blew away all of Ken's fantasy images of dusky-skinned, dark-haired maidens entered the room.

"Greetings, weary traveller.  I am Sulpa," the gorgeous dusky-skinned, dark-haired maiden said.

Okay.  This was sexy seduction and some, Ken thought.  She didn't really have to do anything.  Sex appeal oozed from her pores.

It also helped she was practically naked.  Or at least, might as well have been.  The billowy blouse and veils she wore were so gossamer-thin and transparent they might as well have not been there.  Beneath them her skin was the colour of creamy coffee and looked so smooth Ken felt a primitive longing to slide his hand over her curves.

And what curves she had.  Her chest and hips bloomed out in contrast to her slender waist.  She definitely had one of those improbable figures horny videogame artists liked so much, only it couldn't really be classed as improbable fantasy when the real thing was standing before Ken in the flesh.  It was flesh with next to nothing left to the imagination either.  Her dark nipples, clearly erect, were visible beneath her gauzy blouse.  The only part of her body not visible to Ken was the intimate part between her legs.  That was covered in a tiny triangle of darker material lined with filigree gold chain.

Her face was just as gorgeous as the rest of her body.  Black hair fell on either side in luxuriant waves.  Her lips were lush and achingly kissable.  Her most devastating feature was her eyes.  They were picked out in thick black kohl and smouldered as they stared at him with an intensity that made him feel like he was the sole focus of either a forever-burning passion or all-consuming hunger.  Or both.  Sulpa was not a woman who felt the need to hide her desires.

She also did not feel the need to hide what she really was.  Ken had expected to only see her demonic features when she transformed to attack him.  Sulpa entered the room already transformed.  She wore her demonic features out in the open.  Ken saw horns, wings and a tail.  They all had the same gossamer insubstantiality as the veils that failed to hide her flesh.  Her horns looked like they were made out of glass threaded through with twinkling stars.  Her wings and tail were the same.  As with Celestrico, Sulpa's additional features complemented and added to her exotic appeal.

Calm it, Ken thought.  Remember why you're here.

For all he knew, maybe she transformed from demonic to even more demonic when she got close enough to strike.

"Rest your weary feet, traveller," Sulpa said in a voice as smooth as a sensual caress.  "I will dance for you."

Ken settled down on one of the soft cushions.  Sulpa moved to an open area and began to dance.  Ken didn't know much about dance and couldn't identify what kind of dance it was.  Her movements were slow and languid, and seemed designed to show off the supple perfection of her form.  Gauzy veils floated around her in a hypnotic swirl.  Her wings, also see-through and delicately beautiful, functioned as additional veils sweeping and swirling around her gyrating form.

Throughout it all her dark, smouldering eyes remained fixed on Ken.  They, and the smooth economy of movement of her dance, ignited fires in his blood.

Remember what she is.

(might be)

Okay, so this was a lot stronger than flashing a bit of tit or ass.  Her dance mesmerised Ken.

He didn't realise how much she had captivated his attention until he realised she'd approached close enough to him for a perfumed veil to swish under his nose.  She danced closer still—bending her pliant body towards him.

She's going to fang you in the neck! a voice screamed at the back of his mind.

Panicking, Ken propelled himself backwards.  He failed to jump back to his feet and instead collided with the back wall, dislodging a piece of artwork from the wall.  He landed awkwardly on his ass, but just about managed to get his sword out of his sheath and wave it in the direction of the demonic dancer.

Sulpa stopped dancing and looked at Ken with a stunned expression.  Then understanding dawned on her face.

"You're here because Celestrico sent you, aren't you," she said.

She moved away and took a seat at the low table.

"What story did she use this time?  Let me guess, she told you I was an evil succubus that sucked the souls out of unfortunate travellers."

Sulpa sighed.  She gestured to the far side of the table.

"Come, sit down.  There are some things you should know."

to be continued...  (probably tomorrow, but also probably later rather than earlier)

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Okasare Kenny 1-1: Sulpa

This is my experiment in live(ish) writing a new novel/serial.  It starts here with Chapter 0.

1-1: Sulpa

"Right, our first target is Sulpa the Succubus," Celestrico said.

"Target? You make this sound like an assassination mission," Ken said.

"Well, d'uh.  What part of 'slay the demon queen and all her vile lieutenants' did you not understand?"

"I know, but when you put it like that it sounds so... I dunno... cold-blooded."

"Oh don’t worry, it will be plenty hot-blooded enough for you when you're fighting for your life."

Ken wasn't sure he liked the smile Celestrico gave him.  He liked the prospect of 'fighting for his life' even less.  Whatever he'd been before he'd lost his memories, he was fairly certain 'fighting for his life' had not been an everyday part of it.  Once again he wondered how the hell he'd been selected for this crazy quest.

"A succubus?" he said.  "Isn't that some kind of sex demon vampire thing?"

He dimly remembered them from various fantasy-themed videogames.  They were usually demon women with improbably voluptuous figures and a predilection for wearing very little.  Sort of like Celestrico, now that he thought about it.

"That's right," Celestrico said.  "Physically Sulpa isn’t very powerful.  She will try and avoid a direct confrontation if she can.  If she's forced to fight, she will fall back on her charm and seduce skills to confuse and ensnare her opponent.  She's a succubus, so she can appear extremely tempting.  A strong-willed hero should be able to resist her wiles, though."

Assuming he was a strong-willed hero, Ken thought.  It was battle enough to avoid staring into the creamy pink chasm of Celestrico's exposed cleavage every time they talked.

"Overall Sulpa isn't very strong.  That's why I picked her as your first boss fight.  You should have no problems overcoming her."

Even Celestrico was using videogame terminology.  This world couldn't be as it appeared, Ken thought.

They had left the hill behind and descended down into a lush, fertile valley.  The air was considerably warmer and more pleasant down here.  Sulpa's 'lair' was an elegant house located on the side of a path that had broadened out into a road.  The building was positioned as though it was a roadside inn.  The décor spoke of another, less salubrious, function for the house.  Red lanterns hung from the eaves.  Fancy pink silks billowed in the heart-shaped windows of the first floor.

Yeah, had to be a whorehouse for sure, Ken thought.

"She tempts unwary travellers and feeds off their life force," Celestrico said.

"I see," Ken said.  "So she's like one of those sexy vampires.  She gives some poor sucker a flash of her ass or titties and then when they get close enough... rawr! she sinks her fangs in."

Celestrico watched his mime of biting someone in the throat with amused bemusement.

"Yes, but it's not that mouth you should fear," she said.

"So what's the plan?" Ken asked.  "I charge in there..."  He wanted to say 'guns blazing' and that reinforced just how wrong this world was.  If he knew what a gun was, why wasn't he carrying one of them around instead of this trumped up kitchen knife?  "...sword swinging?"

"No.  She'll see you coming and flee," Celestrico said.  "You'll need to turn the tables on her.  Make her think you're one of her usual victims so you can get up close and... rawr!"  She mimed stabbing someone with a sword.

"Sounds like a plan," Ken said.

He left Celestrico and walked towards the entrance to the inn-cum-brothel-cum-evil-succubus-lair.  What he didn't tell her was that he also had another plan.

As he tightened the grip on the hilt of his sword and approached the door he felt discomfort rise within him.  He expected that.  He was walking up to a house, sword in hand, with the sole intent of murdering someone inside.  If that didn't weird him out he'd be worrying about his mental wellbeing to be honest.  Whatever he'd been before that damn arch had eaten his memories, it wasn't a ruthless killer.  Every instinct told him this was wrong, a bad thing to do.

Unless, of course, Sulpa turned out to be the monster Celestrico had said she was.  He had no qualms about shoving his sword through her guts if it was that or let her rip his jugular out.  That was different—him or her, kill or be killed.

This was where his other plan came in.  It was the same as the other with one crucial difference—he wouldn't attack anyone inside until he was absolutely certain they were a threat.  He still didn't know whether he could trust Celestrico.  He wasn't about to attack of opportunity Sulpa only to find out he'd just run through an innocent and perfectly harmless young woman.  Nope, he'd wait.  The moment she went all Klingon-face and tried to fang him in the neck... that's when he'd shove his sword through her guts.

There was a sign above the door.

Rest a While and Partake of our Pleasures, Weary Traveller.

Yep, knocking shop for sure.

The door was slightly ajar.  He put a hand on it and his confidence evaporated.  Was he really going to walk into the presence of something that might tear his throat out at any moment?  Armed with nothing more than an overgrown penknife?  He definitely had qualms about that.  Lots of qualms.  Shit fucking tons of qualms.

Heart thudding in his chest, Ken pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Hmm, I think Kenny might have got his mythical monsters mixed up here.  To be continued tomorrow...

Sunday, September 23, 2012

DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-3 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

After a slight pause where I was away last week, here's the third part of Jackson DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2.  Chaos rules.  Attempting to parody something that was already a fairly wicked parody in the first place might not have been my best idea.  Oh well, let's see where it goes.  Hopefully sombody sexy will show up at some point to make up for the anarchy and weirdness at the beginning.

DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-3: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

The blonde looked at him.  A puzzled expression was back on her face.

“Hey wait!” she said.  “You’re the—”

Too late.  DaBigBoom had already stepped into the portal.

They warped to a rocky location that somehow managed to look cheerful despite being largely desolate.  The only plants DaBigBoom saw were the twisted remnants of dead trees.

Not quite dead, as it happened, but not exactly alive in any way DaBigBoom expected.  He watched as one of the dead stumps grew spindly arms out of its top and began to shuffle around.  Pihanga absent-mindedly booted it into a nearby pool of bright green acid.  She took out a telescope and surveyed their objective from behind a boulder.

Before them a wide bridge led to an enormous gate at the entrance of a cartoon-scary castle carved into the high stone wall of a cliff.  The gate looked like an enormous mouth and two openings above it looked like burning eyes.  It still looked about as scary as a Scooby Doo cartoon.

The oddest thing to DaBigBoom was the ground.  It was marked out with squares like a giant chessboard.  The pattern covered most of the grounds leading up to the bridge and continued right into the fort.  Some of the squares glowed with a strange light and that same glow lit up odd pyramid sculptures scattered throughout the grounds.  DaBigBoom thought they must serve some purpose within the game although he didn’t have the slightest idea what.

There were guards—more of the strange pointy-eared inhabitants he’d seen walking around back at the castle.  They grumbled and fidgeted, but didn’t leave the squares they were standing in, even though most of the positions they occupied seemed to serve no strategic purpose.

“Okay, equipment,” Pihanga said.

From somewhere, DaBigBoom had no idea where, she pulled out a sack of gear that was bigger than her, Schreck and Fiore combined.

Computer RPG physics, no point in being surprised, DaBigBoom thought.

“You.”  She beckoned to DaBigBoom.  “Time to equip you.  The high HP gear I think.”  There was a gleam in Pihanga’s eye DaBigBoom didn’t like at all.

She threw him a flak jacket that looked more suited to a cop game.  DaBigBoom had no idea what it was doing in a fantasy RPG, but it was armour and DaBigBoom would take any kind of protection.  He put it on.

It also wasn’t the only jacket as Pihanga passed him a second and then a third jacket largely identical to the first.

“Um, I already have a jacket,” DaBigBoom said.

Pihanga ignored him.  So did the world.  Before he even realised it, he was wearing all three jackets on top of each other.  They were uncomfortably warm and DaBigBoom could barely move his arms.  How was he supposed to fight like this?

“Perfect,” Pihanga said.  “Lots of HP.”

Once again, DaBigBoom really didn’t like the gleam in Pihanga’s eye whenever she mentioned ‘HP’.

DaBigBoom felt something rather important had been neglected in the equipping process.

“Aren’t I supposed to have something to fight with?” he asked.

“Fight?”  Pihanga seemed surprised by the question, as if it wasn’t really relevant.  “Oh, take this.”

She rummaged through the sack and came back with a bow so tiny it’d struggle to make even a child’s toy.  DaBigBoom held the undersized bow in his hands.  Now what the fuck was he supposed to do with this?

Pihanga turned her back and went back to observing the fort.  She turned around and began to draw lines in the ground.  She studied them with wrinkled-brow concentration while Schreck watched and gave the occasional nod of his head.  Fiore crouched down and watched Pihanga draw her plans, but didn’t contribute anything other than the occasional giggle.

“You got a bum assignment, mate,” one of the k’winnies, a real battered specimen, said to DaBigBoom.  “She doesn’t have the first clue about tactics.  She should have hired a warrior, mage and cleric by now.  Instead she just keeps throwing us k’winnies into the fray as if it’s still the first level.  It’s hopeless, mate.  I’m OldFart,” the beat-up k’winnie introduced itself.

“DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom replied and then grimaced as he realised that stupid name had slipped out of his mouth again instead of his real name.

OldFart nodded sympathetically.

He introduced the other k’winnines.  “This is Assploder, KwinnyBomb, ShitBlast, Bob—”

“Bob?” DaBigBoom interrupted.

“She hit Enter too quickly on the naming screen, mate,” Bob explained, “and she hasn’t figured out yet how to rename characters.”

“LooserBait,” OldFart finished the introductions, pointing to the last k’winny, who was missing an eye.

“So what’s the objective?” DaBigBoom asked.  If they could complete the mission maybe he could get the fuck out of here.

“Waldorf, mate,” OldFart said.  “The big pile of blubber over there.”

DaBigBoom followed OldFart’s malformed limb and saw a gigantic blue thing just inside the entrance.  It was a big pile of blubber—Jabba the Hut with a pair of tusks.  The thing looked so cumbersome DaBigBoom had no idea how it even moved until he noticed the cord around its midriff that led up to a large balloon with a cartoon cat face on the side of it.  DaBigBoom raised an eyebrow.

“What, the walrus?” he said.

“Leopard seal,” Fiore corrected.  Bored with Pihanga’s battle planning, she’d come over to join them.  “It’s a leopard seal, not a walrus.”  She grinned.

“So the objective is to storm a fortress and kill a wal . . . leopard seal with a giant balloon tied to its arse?” DaBigBoom queried.

Fiore nodded.  “Exciting, isn’t it.”

DaBigBoom wanted out of this stupid game.

“And you guys are happy with this?” DaBigBoom asked.

“Fuck yeah,” Assploder said.

“Waldorf’s a cunt,” Bob said.

“We want the bastard dead,” KwinnyBomb said.

“He kidnaps k’winnies and sells them as toys to children in the human world,” LooserBait said.

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Fiore said.

The k’winnies stared at the angel with stunned expressions.  They obviously regarded being sold to children as a fate worse than death.

“Human children are sweet and adorable,” Fiore said.  “Especially the boys.”  She stared off into space.  “Delicious, scrumptious, cute young boys.”  There was a gleam in her eyes that was most un-angelic.

The k’winnies shook their heads.  “Pervert,” Bob muttered under his breath.

“Tubby isn’t the problem,” OldFart said.  “He’s big and he’s got a lot of hit points, but none of his attacks does much damage.  No, the real problem is her . . . the succubus.”

OldFart pointed down to a pathway that ran off to the right of the bridge.  It wound between dead trees and under a broken archway.  At the end of the path was—

DaBigBoom’s mouth dropped open.


Oh hello, somebody sexy.  Come back next week to see if she gets a chance to strut her stuff as I try and get this anarchic beastie back under control.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Jackson in HRPG-World: 2-2 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

And a little later than initially planned (the real-life 9-to-5 clobbered me with some things that needed fixing over the weekend), here is the second part of Jackson in HRPG-World 2:

Jackson in HRPG-World 2-2: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

“Come with me, k’winny,” the stroppy little devil girl ordered.

“Fuck off,” Jackson retorted.

Pihanga pulled out a gun and shot him in the face.

From his position on the floor of the factory Jackson looked up and saw a white number—forty-four—floating up into the darkness beneath the roof. Oh yeah, computer game physics. Boy was he glad for those stupid role-playing game physics. It meant he could be shot right in the face with a gun and it do nothing so long as the damage was less than his total hit points.

He wondered how many hit points he had. Normally he was able to see his full status. Not here for some reason. Maybe this was some kind of intro and the game hadn’t actually started yet.

He got back up to his feet.

Schreck stared at him with his blank fish eyes opened wide. The angel girl had hands on her cheeks. Pihanga was turning her gun over in her hands with a puzzled expression on her face.

“One shot is normally enough to kill a level one k’winny,” she said, looking at her gun suspiciously.

“He doeth theem rather hardy for a k’winny, mithtreth,” Schreck said. “Are you thure—”

“He’s an uber k’winny!” the angel said. She bounced with excitement like a tween standing in line for a Justin Bieber signing. “I told you they had a sixth rank.”

Schreck looked up at the numbers floating away into the darkness of the ceiling. “It doeth theem to potheth an unusually high number of hit pointh.”

At the mention of ‘unusually high number of hit points,’ Pihanga’s pointed ears pricked up and she switched her attentions from the gun to Jackson. Her eyes lit up and her lips curled up in a crafty smile. “High hit points . . .”

She skipped forwards.

“I’m Pihanga, Empress of Elegance and Overlord-to-be of all the Nether Regions. You’ll be a perfect addition to my k’winny mob.”

“Uh . . . okay,” Jackson said.

He didn’t want to test if he had enough hit points to survive a second shot from her gun.

“Good.” Pihanga turned to the side and a giant ghostly blue keypad appeared before her out of thin air. “Now to name you.”

“Um. Actually, I already have a name,” Jackson said.

Pihanga ignored him and tapped keys on the ghostly floating blue keypad. D, a, B, i, g, B . . . Jackson saw letters appear above the keypad.

“There. Perfect,” Pihanga said.

DaBigBoom? What kind of stupid name was DaBigBoom? Only an eight-year-old could come up with a character name as stupid as that.

“Hey. I have a name. I’m—”

Pihanga moved her hand to the bottom right of the screen and tapped the enter button.

“—DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom finished.

He paused. Wait, that wasn’t right. His name was DaBigBoom not DaBigBoom.


No. His. Name. Was. DaBigBoom.

DaBigBoom tried again, but every time he thought of his name, DaBigBoom came up instead of DaBigBoom.

This sucks, DaBigBoom thought.

“Come along, DaBigBoom,” Pihanga said. “We have the Nether Regions to conquer.”

“And then it’s the Post Game content,” the angel said, jumping up and down with girlish excitement.

DaBigBoom looked at them—the trashy devil girl, the blue-haired angel, and the cartoon Nosferatu caricature. What kind of insane game had he fallen into? Shaking his head, he followed them out of the factory.

He walked out onto a landscape somewhere between Burton and Bosch. A spooky castle with spires sticking out at odd angles pierced the sky. Scattered around them were vast lakes of molten orange lava.

“Where are we?” DaBigBoom asked.

“These are the Nether Regions, home to demons, monsters and k’winnies containing the souls of mortals that sinned during their lives in the Living World,” the angel said.

“So hell, basically,” DaBigBoom said. “Hey, what was that about k’winnies?”

“Anyone who sinned during their life is reincarnated in the form of a k’winny. They must work off the debt their sinning incurred during their life before they can be reincarnated back to the Living World. In heaven we set them all kinds of boring tasks to do. In the Nether Regions it’s much better. They get to fight for the glory of the Overlord!” The angel finished with a rousing flourish.

DaBigBoom looked at her fluffy white wings and white robes. “Heaven? Are you an angel?”

“Trainee,” the girl said. “I’m Angel Student Fiore. Or was,” she said, her nose wrinkling into a grimace. “They kicked me out for downloading shota porn.”

Her breezy smile returned.

“I don’t mind. It’s far more exciting down here. We get to go on missions and kill people.”

DaBigBoom didn’t know what to say to that.

They walked into the castle and DaBigBoom was surrounded by a motley collection of monsters—rotting zombies, hunched over dragons shuffling on their hind legs, lions with scorpion tails and even girls standing inside giant roses. It was odd, weird, but not very scary. More Jim Henson than Nightmare on Elm Street.

The girls in the roses were also kinda hot and not wearing much more than a few strategically positioned bits of foliage. One of them winked at DaBigBoom and blew him a kiss.

“They’re hermaphrodites,” Fiore whispered in his ear.

DaBigBoom’s hand froze mid-wave.

“I’m not sure what they’re doing here either. They’re not supposed to appear until the sequels,” Fiore continued, making absolutely no sense again.

Pihanga made her way to the main hall. A spear stood in the centre of room. At first DaBigBoom thought there was a severed, moustachioed head impaled on the spear. Impaled so hard the point came right out of the top of the skull. The head seemed surprisingly well preserved. Then Pihanga picked the spear up, the head’s eyes flicked open and DaBigBoom realised the head was actually part of the spear itself.

“Hey, unhand me!” the spear complained in a prissy voice.

Piihanga ignored it and tapped the shaft loudly on the stone floor. “Subjects!” she called out. “The throne of the Overlord will soon be mine. Join me and share in the glory!”

The weird inhabitants ignored her and carried on with what they were doing.

“Join me for a share of the loot?” Pihanga tried again.

That got the attention of some of the inhabitants, but only briefly before they waved their hands dismissively at her and walked away laughing.

Pihanga’s nostrils flared. She looked like a teenage girl in a strop because her parents wouldn’t let her go to the party.

“K’WINNY MOB!” she bellowed, banging the butt of the spear so hard onto the ground the moustachioed head complained in a camp whine.

A motley crew of yellow bird-doll-things emerged, grumbling, from the shadows. They looked even worse for wear than the Frankenstein’s abominations DaBigBoom had seen on the factory conveyer belt. They looked like they’d been repeatedly torn apart and then stitched back up again by someone with only a passing familiarity with what they’d originally looked like.

“We’re going to take on Cook Canyon again, and this time I want 150 percent.”

The k’winnies collectively groaned.

“We need more soldiers, mate,” one of them griped.

“We have more soldiers,” Pihanga said. “This is Private DaBigBoom.”

The k’winnies looked at DaBigBoom and for a moment their grumbling was silenced.

“Is he a player?” one whispered.

“What was that!” Pihanga said.

The offending k’winny gave an eep. They all shuffled backwards.

“I’m the player,” Pihanga said. “I’m the main character. This is my game. I’m the star. Me. Me alone. Pihanga, the Empress of Elegance and Overlord-to-be.”

She swung the spear like a golf club and the quavering k’winny vanished up over one of the balconies with a plaintive wail.

“Now we’re back down to the same number of soldiers as before, mate,” another of the k’winnies muttered, this time quiet enough for Pihanga not to hear.

“Follow me!” Pihanga ordered. “This time we will beat that level.”

“She’s not really the main character,” Fiore whispered to DaBigBoom after Pihanga had marched in the direction of one of the side exits. “It’s me.” She gave a girlish giggle and followed Pihanga.

Madhouse, DaBigBoom thought, shaking his head as he followed the others.

They walked through a crazy marketplace. Skinny kids with anime-spiky hair sold swords that were far too large and impractical for any normal—or even large—person to wield. DaBigBoom saw the entrance to a tent with a bleeding red cross stitched above the opening. Moans and groans emanated from within. A cute girl in some kind of traditional Japanese dress stood in the entrance and smiled at DaBigBoom. As he walked by he saw she was holding a hacksaw with clumps of hair and flesh stuck to the serrated blade.

They reached a short staircase that led up to a bright blue swirl of light about as big as a door. More computer game physics. DaBigBoom assumed it was some kind of portal that led somewhere else. Standing next to the portal was a gorgeous blonde girl with elf ears sticking out of her long hair. She held a gnarled wooden staff and wore flowing green robes. She looked bored.

Pihanga walked up to the foot of the steps. “Cook Canyon,” she said.

“Again?” the blonde girl said.

“We’re going to defeat Waldorf this time,” Pihanga said.

“You said that last time,” the blonde said, “and the time before that, and the time before that, and the thirteen other times before that.”

“My k’winny mob has increased in experience,” Pihanga said.

“Your k’winny mob is falling to bits,” the blonde said.

Pihanga gave her a crafty smile. “Ah, but this time I have a secret weapon,” she motioned to DaBigBoom.

The blonde peered at DaBigBoom. For a moment her brow furrowed as though she wasn’t quite sure of what she was looking at, and then she spotted the yellow hat and gave a disappointed sigh.

“It’s just another k’winny,” she said. “You need to recruit some proper monsters with classes. You can’t expect to beat the middle levels with only k’winnies.”

“K’winnies are cheap and easy to maintain,” Pihanga said.

“K’winnies are useless.”

The k’winnies quarked and harrumphed their disapproval.

“Do as you’re ordered and send us to Cook Canyon,” Pihanga said.

The blonde sighed. She waved her staff and the portal flared a brighter blue colour. “As you command, oh great and powerful Overlord . . .” Pihanga walked up the steps and jumped into the swirling blue vortex. “. . . to-never-be,” the blonde finished as Pihanga vanished from view.

Fiore and the vampire, Schreck, went next, followed by the battered k’winnies. DaBigBoom considered running off in the opposite direction, but that might mean he’d be stuck in this lunatic role-playing game forever . . . as DaBigBoom.

Fuck it. The quicker he completed it, the quicker he could get the fuck out of here. He walked up the steps.

The blonde looked at him. A puzzled expression was back on her face.

“Hey wait!” she said. “You’re the—”

Too late. DaBigBoom had already stepped into the portal.

I knew I should have left that game alone. What's happening? They've usurped my main character and changed his name. Isn't there supposed to be some pr0n somewhere?

Come back next week for part 3 (there may be some sex somewhere - I hope!)

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Jackson in HRPG-World: 2-1 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

Time to kick off another mini-serial to run here over the next few weeks. I think we'll corrupt a few more innocent childhood gaming memories and continue Jackson's adventures in HRPG-World.

Jackson in HRPG-World: 2-1 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

Where was he now? Ian Jackson thought.

He was standing on a giant conveyer belt running through some kind of madhouse factory. Giant gears clanked and clacked amongst puffs of steam. A lunatic carousel tune played in the background.

This didn’t look like the usual hackneyed, sub-Tolkienesque setting he expected for a fantasy role-playing computer game. It was a cavernous factory, more suited to a first-person-shooter or horror game, although the crazy organ-grinder music playing in the background seemed a poor fit for either.

Jackson wasn’t alone on the conveyer belt. He might have been tempted to describe them as toys. They were yellow and looked like a plushy doll of a cartoon character—some kind of flightless bird with a long bill. A kiwi?

The dolls were hideous. They looked as though they’d been put together by demented lab assistants working under Doctor Frankenstein. The stitching was crude, visible, and looked more like scars. None of the dolls had legs or feet. Instead, a pair of miniature cartwheels was attached to the sides of their bodies. Jackson doubted they were toys. Children were more likely to run screaming than play with these.

They were also alive.

Jackson watched as one of the bird-doll-things sat up and blinked oversized cartoon eyes. It was maybe about three-foot in height. The thing turned a head and looked around. In animation it looked like a real-life cartoon gone horribly wrong.

More bird-doll-things stirred as the conveyer belt reached an end illuminated with purple and red spotlights. More of the bird-doll-things waited for them, but they were brown in colour rather than yellow and directed the new arrivals with the scowling efficiency of airport security personnel. Jackson watched as the bird-doll-thing ahead of him hopped off the end of the belt. It was given a leather bum bag and pointed in the direction of a growing queue.

Then it was Jackson’s turn. He stepped off the end of the belt. The brown bird-doll-thing was halfway through the motion of giving Jackson a bum bag when it paused.

Jackson was about average height by human standards, which meant he towered over the three-foot-high bird-doll-thing. The brown attendant turned and found its bill level with Jackson’s crotch. It tilted its head up a little, then a little more, and then tilted it up a lot more until it could actually see Jackson’s face. It blinked slowly, as if aware something wasn’t quite right with the picture but not exactly sure what.

“Um, where is this place?” Jackson asked.

Crazy oompah carousel music continued to blare away in the background.

“You’re in the Nether Regions, mate,” the bird-doll-thing said.

Nether Regions? Must be the setting for this game.

“What am I supposed to do?” Jackson asked.

He wanted to ask, ‘What is my objective in this game?’ but most characters he came across, even the obvious designated game tutors, rarely gave any indication they knew this was really a computer game.

“Work for the masters, pay off your debt, get reincarnated back to the living world, mate.”

“Living world?”

“You’re dead, mate,” the bird-doll-thing said. “These are the Nether Regions. Souls are reincarnated here in the form of k’winnies and must work to pay off the debts their sinning accrued during their life, mate.”

“Dead? No no no,” Jackson said, shaking a finger.

He wasn’t dead. It was just a computer game. He was trapped inside until . . . well, he wasn’t sure exactly. He’d thought it was until he completed the game, but the rules—and the game—kept changing.

“Mate, they all say that,” the brown bird-doll-thing—k’winny?—said.

“Look at me,” Jackson said. “Do I look like I belong here?”

The k’winny peered at him. It frowned. Or rather Jackson assumed the expression was a frown given that it had a cartoon bird face rather than a human face. It blinked. Then it turned around and fetched a novelty yellow baseball cap that resembled the top half of one of the k’winny’s heads. The bill had a slender beak stitched into the fabric and there were a pair of large googly eyes glued to the front. The k’winny motioned for Jackson to duck down and then it reached up to place the k’winny cap on his head. It looked up and smiled. All was right in its world again.

Jackson glanced up at the cap on his head and shook his head.

The k’winny bent down, retrieved the greyish-brown bum bag it had put aside and handed it to Jackson.

“This is to hold your tāra, mate,” it said.

That meant nothing to Jackson. He held the bag up and looked at it in bafflement.

Something bumped against his leg. Jackson turned and saw another blearily blinking k’winny had come off the belt.

“Move along, mate,” the brown k’winny said. “You’re holding things up. Move along. Move along, mate.” He directed Jackson with a limb that was somewhere between a wing and an arm and looked fit for neither purpose.

Jackson walked away shaking his head. Maybe it was one of those games where he had to do a bunch of everyday shit for a couple of hours before the real plot became apparent. JRPGs never seemed in any hurry to actually start.

He joined a line of yellow k’winnies. Two of them looked back at him in surprise. At least until they saw the yellow cap on his head, at which point they went back to grumbling amongst themselves as if nothing at all was out of place.


A shrill voice ripped through the factory. The voice was high-pitched, as though the owner was small, but it blasted through the air as if expelled by the lungs of a giant.

“Oh k’winnies,” the voice warbled.

“Shit. It’s Pihanga.”

Jackson turned his head. All the brown k’winnies had suddenly vanished. When he turned his head back the yellow k’winnies had vanished as well. Jackson was left alone to face the small party walking towards him.

Not quite alone. The k’winnies were still there, but hidden behind the barrels and crates littering the floor of the factory. Jackson saw a yellow head poke up from behind a barrel.


The head hastily ducked back down. Jackson wondered if he should be joining it, but by then it was already too late. The party, a strange trio of individuals, had reached him.

At the front was a girl. Sort of. She had the dainty body of an adolescent girl or gymnast, but she also had horns, a tail and a pair of vestigial bat wings that looked too small to be anything other than ornamental. A devil girl, in miniature. Her eyes were the colour of raspberry juice. She gave off the air of a stroppy and spoilt teen and dressed as though she hadn’t yet learned the difference between party girl and streetwalker. Spiky black air erupted in defiance of gravity from two pigtails and her pointed ears were adorned with gaudy, lizard-skull earrings. Her red gloves and boots—long enough to reach her elbows and thighs respectively—covered more flesh than the rest of her clothes combined. Shorts that were little more than panties hid her crotch while a band of red leather was all that covered her chest. Not that there was much to cover—she was as flat as an ironing board.

“Aha, here’s one,” she said, looking at Jackson.

Behind her stood a pale-faced man in evening wear that had seen better days. Jackson assumed he was a vampire—one of the old school Nosferatu, not one of those stupid twinkly fairies from Twilight. He was hunched, had a hook for a nose, wide staring eyes and fangs so long they made him talk funny. Jackson supposed he should be scared of him, but he couldn’t quite muster fear in the face of what appeared to be a walking cartoon caricature.

“Are you sure Mithtreth Pihanga? It lookth a little large and . . . awkward for a k’winny,” the vampire said with a reedy lisp.

“Of course it’s a k’winny, Schreck,” the little devil girl said. “See,” she pointed at the yellow cap on Jackson’s head.

Jackson looked up at the bill of the baseball cap. They couldn’t be fucking serious.

The third figure giggled. Jackson had no clue what she was doing here. She looked like an angel—in the cartoon sense. Fluffy white wings too small for flight stuck out from her back. A white ribbon was tied in her long blue hair. She had a similar flat-chested figure to the devil girl, Pihanga, but less of it was visible beneath her sensible white robes. Was it Halloween in the madhouse or something?

“Come with me, k’winny,” the stroppy little devil girl ordered.

“Fuck off,” Jackson retorted.

Pihanga pulled out a gun and shot him in the face.

Given the source material, I may have trouble keeping this one under control . . .