Thursday, July 12, 2018

New Story - "Night of the Nude Succubus Orgy"

Yay.  I made it.

As can be seen from the list of entrants to Lierotica's Nude Day Erotic Story Competition, I did just manage to get my story in before the deadline (by about 45 minutes according to my reckoning - leaving it fine just adds to the drama).

Here is the direct link:

Night of the Nude Succubus Orgy

A bit about it.  I wanted to start with a traditional horror/ghost story opening going over the history of a spooky old mansion... and then it turned into a big old porn fest, probably one of the porniest stories I've ever written.  Oh well, I'll have to write that traditional spooky horror/occult tale some other time.

The opening is a bit long, cynically so.  There is a weird quirk to Literotica contests where it's better to have a reader give up half way through than have them read to the end and give the story an "ok" 4 out of 5.  Because of how the scoring works, it's better for a writer if they're given no score at all rather than a 4 (or lower).  Shorter stories have traditionally suffered for this in their competitions.  So stick with it, even if you don't care for the wobbly occult stuff, it gets a lot hotter and sexy later.

Another note on Literotica contests.  Please don't vote more than once or bomb other writers entrants.  One, it's not very sporting and two, Literotica has algorithms to spot that type of behaviour and the votes just end up getting scrubbed.

While I wouldn't recommend starting an erotic tale this slow, it was fun to play around with all the Crowley stuff.  Aleister Crowley is a real-life historical occult figure and tends to get name-checked a lot in this type of story to give them a pseudo-grounding in reality.  The indie adult game "Lust for Darkness" I talked about a couple of weeks ago clearly took some inspiration from Crowley's exploits.  A bust of his likeness can be found in the mansion and one of the books you can find mentions Crowley's Thelema religion.

Rather humorously, I botched my research and had to make some last minute edit changes as the original date I had for when the ritual took place was during a time when Crowley had already moved back to England.  The body double stuff is pure fiction on my part.

The succubi also developed stronger characters than I was expecting.  I'm tempted to use them again.  Maybe there's a full novel here once I include the other succubus scenes.  Obviously it will depend on how the story is received.  I enjoyed writing it, but that might not necessarily translate to people enjoying reading it!

If you did really like one (or more) of the succubi in the story, let me know in the comments below and I'll see if I can give them some more action in a future story.

25 comments:

  1. It was GREAT Meh. As for what you should do, how about you write about the other scenes we didn't get to see. You focused on Jase and his harem of succubi, how about we see Donnie and Kris with their succubi?

    The big red succubus (pretty much a sexy and slutty version of a Baron of Hell from Doom) I would love to see in action, as well as more different 'types' of succubi.

    Still waiting for a maid succubus lol

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    1. I also love the idea of a maid succubus. Maybe even armed with a soul sucking vacuum ;-)

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    2. There's a great one in Monmusu Quest: Paradox. It's drawn by the same guy behind the dragon maid manga/anime. She has a lot of scenes. Hmm, I should really "borrow" some inspiration from there...

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  2. Looked great to me, I could see these girls being in an excellent CYOA story where you can pick one of them to suck you dry, or possibly threesomes. Could be in this special room so stuff is safe, or you could have the room's wards get damaged somehow mid-coitus by the player's actions (AKA option for fatal and non-fatal ends). Lots of neat stuff could be done with this IMO, and would be a great way to expand on each of the succubi individually, especially the milfy succubus.

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  4. that ending... were they sacrificial pawns to check out the room?

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    1. Pretty much. Donnie's contact doesn't have his best interests at heart. They got away with it this time.

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  5. Compared to your other works this one felt sub-par. It has the basis for a CYOA story but at the same time the orgy felt stretched since it was only done at Jase's perspective and we didn't see how the other's fared/suffered with there succubus's.

    This didn't feel much like a erotic horror story just a spooky house erotic orgy story. Maybe if it was set to where several rooms were made for the occult group and the boys entered different rooms. Then at the end we find out the wards had failed on most of the rooms with the one Jase choose been one of the few that was still working and him realizing he dodged a soul sucking bullet would make it more horror-like.

    Abandoned Mansions are always good for CYOA but would think set it to have more then just succubi or demons. maybe they run into a vampiress in a bedroom or a Mermaid/Sharkgirl in the bath. something erotic but otherworldly would be interesting.

    Any word on your patreon? Looking forward to your next work.

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    1. Looking into getting the Patreon set up today. The new story should be a decent advertisement for it.

      I expected some readers to find the new story a little lightweight. I've been a bit brutal with the Hell-space stories over the last year or so, so I thought I'd give something for the people that prefer the non-lethal succubi. Technically, it shouldn't have been in Erotic Horror, but I made a decision a while back to put everything in Erotic Horror so there wouldn't be an obvious category "tell" as to how the story would end up.

      I like the different room suggestion. Originally, the succubi were going to be more faceless and similar - so it was just a group orgy with a pile of identical sexy succubus. Once I started writing them as individuals a multi-room approach would work better.

      I did do some early work on succubus version of Cabin in the Woods that didn't pan out. I might dig that up and give it another look.

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  6. Also think if some of the succubi realized the original contractors were mia and these boys were the first to show up in years they would try and encourage one to take ownership of the property, they might be bound my wards but being summoned to a empty room every year without anyone to fuck save each other has probably gotten to the point they'd happily accept ownership to someone new and young. Wouldnt be to hard to help manipulate things to ensure the property can be purchase by one of the boys to have more fun at there leisure.

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  7. Totally loved the story. A great read all round and fun fun fun. But.........Meh @ the name dropping of Aleister Crowley.

    Given the study of this legend that I did in my younger years I feel I owe it to myself (and possibly others too) to raise the point. First off This (at the time) extremely controversial genius of a man was ABSOLUTELY NEVER a Satanist.

    He was a very profound and influential practitioner of occultic / magical arts in a time when the church rigidly influenced the life styles and moral compasses of everyone.

    We all know the catholic churches habit of slandering the competition throughout all of it's long history and this was the kind of attention that A.Crowley gained from them.

    Lets not forget that these were the very people that based the "goat" image of their belief systems "bad guy" (Satan) on a prominent figure of wiccan faith. Referred to in old European religions as the "horned god" often regarded as the consort to mother earth herself.
    So it's little wonder that when somebody is so successful at things so disapproved of by the church as "magic", they get similar treatment.

    He was raised in a Catholic boarding school and during earlier adult life was a very prominent mountain climber.
    It was during such a trip to the Himalayas that he met up with a mystical group who apparently called themselves the "white brotherhood" This group peaked his interest in the mystical world and the workings of the mind and the rest, as they say was history.

    After that, he travelled the world, learning about the workings of the mind and things that the established way of thinking could not so easily explain.

    He took an interest in Yoga during his travels and eventually became a master.
    He has written several works on yoga. Eventually He came back to the UK and joined up with the order of the Golden Dawn.
    A hermetic order who were not completely unlike the Masons although they were exclusively focused on matters of the arcane rather than business too.

    It was during this tame that he achieved the very thing that he is most famous for.
    One of the Golden Dawns major projects at the time was based upon the Christian concept of a persons guardian angel and trying to find ways of making contact with it.
    Aleister Crowley was apparently the first person to ever succeed. The spirit that he contacted claimed to be such an angel and called himself Aiwas.

    .............continued. (post was too big)

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    1. It was from repeated communications with this spirit and the information that it gave to him, that Crowley formed the teachings of the "higher will" and with it the "Law of Thelema" ( "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law. Love under will". etc.).

      It is from this law that many people drew their first huge misconception about him. Mistakenly believing that the first line of this law meant that one should do as they please.
      This could not be further from the truth of it's real meaning. Aiwas had told him that every living human was on the earth for a specific and individual reason. A "personal mission" for want of a better term. This mission was the foundation concept of the higher will and "do what thou wilt" referred directly to this. (meaning "do the thing that you were created to do")
      He then made it his life’s work to spread this revelation to the masses (just as most religious founder figures do)
      So just imagine the churches outrage at Crowley and his Thelamites as they tried to establish a rival religion.


      I have read a number of Crowley’s books of philosophy, yoga and magical practices and all the way through each and every one of his works, he really goes out of his way to stress the dangers of Kama and the potential consequences of using magic for selfish reasons or to cause harm to others. He was absolutely against such ideas.

      So his only real crime was to challenge the church and the Christian faith in a time where most would never dare to even question the slightest details.


      Sorry if I waffled on or bored people.
      I do not claim that any of this is a water tight fact with no room for dispute. It is just what I have managed to learn about the legend that is Aleister Crowly. As such it is the most acurate and truthful account that I am able to offer.

      But please don't diss the Crowley. He Wasn't the man that history made him out to be :-)

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    2. No dissing intended, I hope. Crowley is one of those people where the character has taken on a life of its own separate from the person. Lovecraft is similar in that respect.

      Crowley in this tale is meant to be a neutral inclusion to add some historical flavour. The way I imagined it was he got invited to the second orgy based on his rep, realised what the idiots had done (if I write up Willis's version of the orgy, it will be far bloodier and nastier than what happened to the three village lads), didn't agree with it and got out as soon as he could.

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    3. He is a fascinating person though. It's amazing how much some people crammed into their lives back then.

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  8. A fascinating person for sure. He is a really engaging author too. His intro to the book of thoth (his personalised tarot deck) is just jaw dropping in it's insightfulness especialy given the date it was written. Although one can only be 90% certain that it is truely his words (new age revival sensationalism and all that)

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  9. Really enjoyed this one. I'm one that enjoys your nonlethal stories more than the lethal ones.

    I've always preferred more buildup and backstory so that worked great.

    Sometime in the future if you'd like to come back to this story it would be interesting to see the other two's POV.

    Favorite in this story would have to be Yuemuma.

    Random side note. I always like the names you come up with for the succubi.

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  10. I really enjoyed this as with all your stories. I personally don't mind a story where the guy doesnt die at the end. I recommend a sequel where he ends up "enter mystical plot" buying the property and meets the girls again hopefully with friends. Could turn into a series. Imagine if his occult buddy tampers with the portal to where it never closes in one of the chapters. Or the return or cameo of femme fatale characters you haven written about in a long time.

    Sorry to go on. If you were going to give any new characters more depth I like the milf succubus with the massive boobs. She is more like the motherly leader of the group, I also like the gothic one with the spiky hair that is into sadism and anal, then the one that made the bed. Lets not forget about big red the sexy succubus on roids. I like those four the most.

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  11. Excellent work, and I’d really love to see you expand on this particular concept. Maybe have that shady guy who set up the three village lads go down to the manor and conduct some magic he barely understands which escalates the succubus situation into a full-blown crisis.

    On another note: I and few other people have suggested in the past that you produce a story with a ‘sex slave’ ending (that is, a story where the hapless male victim isn’t killed but becomes the permanent, possibly reluctant, sex toy of a particularly lascivious monster girl). I don’t want to keep pestering you with constant reiterations of this request, but a variation on this idea kind of came to me the other day and I thought I’d float it by you.

    A group of succubi/demon girls manage to procure a magical space within their realm (say a dark grotto with a bubbling fountain) that has life-restoring properties; basically, any mortal who is killed there is resurrected on the spot. The succubi, realizing this space’s labor-saving potential, abduct a certain quantity of (un?)fortunate men to reside there as a kind of go-to food stock that is effectively self-renewing. Basically, the men taken to the Space are repeatedly fucked, drained, and resurrected by any and all succubi who need a quick (or not-so-quick) and easy meal and don’t feel like going out for a hunt. For the captive men, the experience of being fucked to death over and over and brought back to life is both searingly erotic and a constant harrowing existential horror.

    Just an idea, but I think it has potential.

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  12. After some incidents with students gone missing lately, maybe Wargsnouts should send somebody over to do a bit of research on the warding charms used in this mansion...

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    1. I suspect the evening would have gone very differently had Jase and friends found Nurse Honey waiting for them...

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    2. True story. Although now that I am thinking of it, there is a question that I had for a long time.

      So when Nurse Honey is limited in her actions due to wardings and stuff like that, she apparently absorbs her victims into her body. This is possible because she basically is not harming them in that situation, right? And after leaving the protection room, she can simply absorb the soul like there would be no warding, I assume.

      Now if wardings are so easy to manipulate, why are the other succubi like Verde, Rosa and so on not using a similar tactic?

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    3. I assume that Nurse Honey is unique in her ability to hoard souls before consuming them.

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    4. It is my opinion that a well set up ward would prevent even that. Absorbing / Abducting somebody without their permission could easily be regarded as harming them.

      Any warlock that can't anticipate that, doesn't deserve to live beyond his / her first real summoning.

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  13. Loved the story. Great concept and execution. The way you were able to define so many unique characters in such a short story was impressive. The long intro was not off-putting in any way, I always find that sort of spooky, occult world-building to be a part of gothic horror that I enjoy.

    One minor suggestion I would make is that you make more references to the physical appearance of the succubi (like hair) to help keep straight what each of them is supposed to look like. With so many weird names it got a bit confusing at times.

    I'd like a story featuring any of the new succubi, but I particularly enjoyed Lappa in this one. Her dominating personality combined with her appearance was a sexy combo.

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  14. Would absolutely love to read the Crowley/Willis backstory to this one.

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