New story for Literotica's 2012 Halloween Short Story Contest

October is normally a month where I rouse myself out of torpor and start posting new stories up on various web sites.  It's a Halloween thing!

First up is "Ways to Break a Good Man, no.2", my entrant for this year's Halloween contest on Literotica.  I'm not eligible to win as I already placed in the Nude Day contest earlier this year.  I still like to enter stories, it's Halloween after all, and not being eligible means I can let Horror-head off the leash and throw out something dark, nasty and not necessarily crowd-pleasing.  That's always a good thing, as if I don't feed him every so often he kills off all my characters or has them do odd things like gobbling people up inside their vagina.

I'm not sure on this one.  It was a bugger to write and might be one of those ideas that are impossible to make work no matter how they're tackled (advice M. Night Shyamalan should have heeded before making The Village).  After all, it's quite difficult to make one of these

sinister and scary.

I like taking a situation that looks absurd on the outside (a man wrestling a blow-up doll) and contrasting the silliness with what is actually a horrific threat to the protagonist.  It's the same car crash as smashing erotica into horror and seeing what bounces out of the wreckage.  The Biggest Tits in the World (the version in Succubus for Freedom is much better than the early draft on Lit) ran off the same principle, and like that story this one is already picking up mixed comments.  It'd be nice if the bad comments were more helpful than 'stories with sex dolls suck', but it might be one of those concepts that are virtually impossible to pull off.  I have a weakness for trying to make the absurd and silly scary.  Anyway, I hope more like it than dislike it.  I also get to cross the doll fetish off the To Corrupt In A Story list.

If you're after a more conventional succubus story, I'll add to C's recommendation of Ironiclaconic's "Thirteenth Seduction".  Classy tale of a man and his devil girl.  Wish I'd written it myself.  LiquidMatthew's "A Bestiary of Monster Girls" is also a humourous variation on the Monster Girl Encyclopedia.  The Halloween contest seems very popular this year.

I'm planning to post a few other stories this month.  Hopefully that will placate the people left a little bemused by this rather odd tale.

DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-5 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

Late, but still going.  We're into X-rated territory now, so if you ain't 18, now's the time to skedaddle.


DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-5: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions.

DaBigBoom hit the ground at the feet of the succubus with a krump.

He didn’t explode.

This seemed to take everyone by surprise.

DaBigBoom awkwardly picked himself back up.  The succubus floated in front of him.  Her smile and the seductive gleam in her eyes—more lustful even than Fiore’s for her underage pin-up—had returned to her face.

“Um . . . hi,” DaBigBoom said.

“Hi,” the succubus replied.  She pushed out her considerable chest.

Now what?  DaBigBoom looked over to Pihanga.  She was motioning Fiore to move towards a guard on the right-hand side of the bridge.  She turned to DaBigBoom and pointed in the direction of the succubus.

DaBigBoom held up his child-sized bow.  The stupid thing had snapped in half when he’d landed on it.

Pihanga didn’t care.  She furiously jabbed her finger in the direction of the succubus.  Her orders given she turned her attentions back to the guards still standing after she’d thrown KwinnyBomb at them.

DaBigBoom turned back to the succubus and gave an embarrassed shrug.  She smiled and giggled.  Her ample bosom jiggled with her laughter.  She didn’t seem that bad, DaBigBoom thought.

“We could always just watch the others get on with it,” he suggested.  “We don’t have to get involved.”

“I’m Fifi,” the succubus said.  “Who might you be?”

“DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom said, cursing the syllables as they slipped out of his mouth.  “It’s not my real name,” he hastily added.

“Those jackets look uncomfortably hot,” Fifi said.

She stepped up to the edge of her square.  DaBigBoom jolted backwards as he felt something pliant and flexible reach up between his legs.  Her tail.  Unlike Pihanga’s, the end of Fifi’s tail swelled out into a bulbous structure that resembled a jar.  The end opened out into three flexible and triangular flanges.

“You’d be much more comfortable with less . . . covering,” Fifi said.  The nuance didn’t escape DaBigBoom.

“It is a little hot,” he said.  “What about you?”

“I’m extremely hot,” the succubus said.

DaBigBoom wasn’t about to argue with that.

Pink sparks crackled around the flanges of her tail.  It started to glow like it was covered in St. Elmo’s fire.

Oh, she meant that kind of hot.  DaBigBoom wasn’t sure he liked that kind of hot.

Fifi held her tail like a rifle with the bulbous tip pointing at DaBigBoom.  A fleshy orifice yawned open at the end.  The tail vibrated, the bulbous end swelled and it spat a glob of sparkling pink energy at DaBigBoom.

He was flung backwards by the impact.

Or would have been.  Any backward motion would have sent him out of the square he was currently in and that didn’t appear to be allowed by the physics of the game world.  Instead, he did a kind of cartoon back flip on the spot.

Once again DaBigBoom was lying on his back and watching numbers float up into the darkness.  At least this time it was a small number—a solitary four.  Was that all?  He felt considerably more beat up than someone who’d only lost four hit points.  He picked himself back up.

“Mmm,” Fifi said.  She looked down his body and smiled appreciatively.

He looked down and saw why.  His clothes were fried, at least the ones around his crotch.  The front of his trousers and the underpants beneath were gone, as was most of the bottom of his plain T-shirt.  His exposed skin was marred with little smudges of black ash.  None of his three jackets had lost so much as a stitch.

“Um . . .” DaBigBoom said, realising he was showing his todger off to a girl, an extremely hot girl.  He knew she was a devil and made out of pixels besides, but that didn’t stop his face flaring bright red in embarrassment.

“Tut tut,” Fifi said.  “You should be more careful about exposing your weak point like that.”

Weak point?

Fifi did a graceful pirouette on the spot and boom-boomed a hip at him, revealing a luscious peach of an arse.  DaBigBoom was so busy looking at it he didn’t notice her tail whip around and plunge into his crotch like a striking snake.

He doubled up.  Not because she’d hit him with any force, but in the automatic male response to objects being flung at his unprotected goolies.

His evasion attempt failed.  The slimy flanges of her tail left sticky trails across his skin.  It was rooting around in his crotch for something.

“Where are you?” Fifi said.

The snuffling orifice at the end of her fleshy tail found the end of his cock.

Oh no.

“Ah, there you are,” Fifi said.

The bulbous tip of her tail expanded.  The end of DaBigBoom’s penis was sucked into the moist orifice.

No, no, no! he thought with horror.

He tried to pull away, but her tail had already vacuum-sealed itself to his groin.  Its fleshy flanges were stuck fast to his skin and his todger—his lovely todger!—was all the way inside the bulbous jar at the end of it.

Fifi giggled at his futile attempts to escape her tail.  “I have you now.”

The bulbous end swelled up and down like bellows.  DaBigBoom doubled up again, but this time it was from unexpected pleasure.

Huh, that felt . . . pretty good.

The inside of her tail was slimy, but it was the good kind of slimy—moist, warm, tight, soft.  Back in the real world Jackson wasn’t exactly the most sociable, but he wasn’t a complete stranger to sex, although he’d never experienced it without a condom.  Was this what unprotected sex felt like?  Her soft fleshy walls and warm juices squished around his member.

The bulbous jar slowly pulsed.  Blood raced to DaBigBoom’s groin and his hard-on expanded within her tail until it was pushing back at the fleshy tissue wrapped all around him.

Fifi gave her sexy arse a little wiggle.  DaBigBoom heard a strange gurgling sound.  He didn’t have to ponder it for long before the bulbous end of her tail swelled up and filled with a warm, silky liquid.  The jar contracted and DaBigBoom gasped as he felt warm fluids rush back and forth around his shaft.  Her soft flesh pressed up all around his cock and gave it a teasing little tug.

What the hell kind of attack was this?  DaBigBoom looked at the sultry form of the succubus.  He could understand horny and frustrated game artists sneaking in a bit of fetish-bait for the lulz, but this was way beyond that.  It felt like she was blowing him with her tail and that kind of shit only happened in the cheap and nasty hentai games.

Fifi’s full lips parted in a sexy pout.  Her heavy breasts had fallen out of her skimpy bra.  Her left hand was already at her nipple and pawing her soft pink flesh.  Her other hand was down between her legs and rubbing her pussy through the thin black material of her panties.

Okay, they were definitely no longer in a children’s game, or in any game that could be stocked in a normal high-street store.

Again.

What was it with this crazy fucked-up world?

Not that DaBigBoom was complaining.  The inside of her tail felt fucking incredible around his cock.

Fifi’s cheeks reddened.  She closed her eyes and gave a series of little sexy gasps.  The bulbous organ at the end of her tail began to pulsate faster and faster.

Oh fuck.

DaBigBoom closed his eyes and gave a little moan of his own.  Her tail pulsed and sucked on his cock.  He didn’t know what she was doing in there, but he definitely didn’t want her to stop.  Her slick walls rubbed up and down his shaft, sliding on a sensual layer of warm, silky liquid.  Soft flesh contracted and gently pumped his swollen glans.  Like a kiss.

Fifi’s gasps grew louder and came more frequently.  The pulsations of her tail speeded up to match.  DaBigBoom was no longer doubled up but instead bent back the other way, teetering on unsteady legs with his crotch thrust out before him while Fifi’s tail-full-of-every-known-hooker’s-trick continued to work over his helpless manhood.

“Yes, yes, yes!” she squealed in delight.

Oh fuck.  DaBigBoom couldn’t hold on any longer.  His hips jerked forwards, driving him deeper into the moist, sticky flesh of her pulsing tail pot.  His erection swelled and he ejaculated a tension-flattening glob of spunk right into her tail.

Fifi gave a long, contented sigh.  Her tail continued to move around DaBigBoom’s cock, the motions slower and more deliberate now.  She sucked on his spurting penis, gulped down his ejaculate and kept sucking until DaBigBoom’s pipes were well and truly drained.  Then her tail detached with a wet shlup.

DaBigBoom rocked on his feet.  His knees, his whole body felt like a wobbly plate of jelly.  A ghostly red heart blossomed in the air between them, before floating up into the darkness.

Aw, how sweet, DaBigBoom thought.

Then he noticed the number, forty-four, floating up from him.

Fuck, it had been an attack after all.  It had bashed forty-four off his unknown number of hit points.

It was worse than that.

The same number, but in green rather than white, was floating above Fifi’s head.

Fuck, the cheeky minx had sucked forty-four points right out of him and added it to her own hit points.

More importantly, DaBigBoom wondered how the fuck he was supposed to defeat her if every attack restored that much of her health.  His crappy little broken bow certainly wasn’t going to cut it.

“Delicious,” Fifi said, running a tongue around her sensual red lips.  She opened her eyes.  “Oh, you’re still alive.  How wonderful.”

DaBigBoom suspected her happiness at his still being alive was because it meant she could attack him again rather than any concern for his wellbeing.

“Hmm, I wonder.”

Fifi pulled down and stepped out of her panties.  The game had definitely swerved off into X-rated territory.  The hairless folds of her pussy were clearly visible to DaBigBoom, and anyone else that happened to be looking.

“Did they tell you how these coloured squares work?”

Fifi motioned to the ground around them.  Most of the ground was grey apart from some squares that glowed with red, blue, green or yellow light.

“Nope.  It never came up,” DaBigBoom said.

“How silly.”  Fifi tsked.  “How can anyone plan strategy without accounting for the Terra effect squares.  Oh well.  You see, the different colours grant different abilities.  Some are negative—they lower attack or inflict damage.  Others have positive effects.”

Stepping elegantly on her stiletto high heels, Fifi walked around him until she was standing on the red square adjacent to his.

“Now this square grants me two additional attacks,” Fifi said.  Her eyes gleamed with lust.

Uh oh, DaBigBoom thought.

“Mmm, and I have just the attack I’d like to triple up on,” Fifi said.

She reached in and pulled DaBigBoom right to the boundary between their squares, close enough for her to embrace him if she wished.

DaBigBoom hoped his remaining life points were considerably higher than forty-four.


to be continued next week . . .

More for the Bookshelf No One Can Read

My print copies finally wound their way to my remote abode.  I always look forward to seeing the finished book. (and that the covers are the right colour, in the right place and not wrong in the many ways printing can sometimes go wrong).

It's a little chunkier than my other collections (although obviously slimline in relation to the average George R. R. Martin epic).  I ran out of the short short stories and got too carried away writing all the sex in the new ones.

You can pick up a copy of your own from Amazon here, or here if you live in the UK.  One day it would be nice to have a mass-market paperback printing to make the price a little more acceptable, but that would mean I'd have to write something more mainstream and who'd want to do a boring thing like that . . . ;)

DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-4 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

The posting schedule is a little wonky at the moment as I've had a couple of hectic weeks with cars grinding to a halt and other real-life nuisances.  This chapter/series has also proven to be a little chaotic, descending fully into farce and parody.  I'm not sure where it will end up, but I'll stick with it just to get the damn thing out of my system.  Fans of my darker work fear not, there should be a story more to your liking appearing fairly soon in Literotica's Halloween contest.  (Maybe, it does feature a succubus-possessed sex doll after all)

Anyway.  Without further ado, here's:


DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-4: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

“Tubby isn’t the problem,” OldFart said.  “He’s big and he’s got a lot of hit points, but none of his attacks does much damage.  No, the real problem is her . . . the succubus.”

OldFart pointed down to a pathway that ran off to the right of the bridge.  It wound between dead trees and under a broken archway.  At the end of the path was—

DaBigBoom’s mouth dropped open.

Wow.

That was a hottie.  A real, blazing hot, totally fuckable hottie.  She looked like a porn star or glamour model in a Halloween Devil costume, what little of it there was.  She looked a little like another Pihanga, but a Pihanga DaBigBoom didn’t want to throttle.  There was a whole bunch of other things DaBigBoom would like to do to her instead, most of which were unprintable.  Like Pihanga, the succubus had horns, wings and a tail, but unlike Pihanga everything was filled out and looked more . . . mature.

18-rated.

Especially her chest.  She was amply filled out in the chest department.

Were those real?  They couldn’t be real.

If he’d seen breasts like that on a real-life girl with a similarly slender figure, DaBigBoom would have snap-called them as artificial.  The succubus was wearing a low-cut baroque bikini top that barely contained them.  Her boobs had . . . bounce.  She hovered a few inches off the ground, supported by languid flaps of her great bat wings.  Her breasts bobbed with each down sweep.

“That’s how she gets you, mate,” OldFart said.  “Hypnotises you with those puppies, and then . . .”

“She does things to you,” Looserbait said.  He stared at the floor.  “Naughty things.”

“Uh huh.”  DaBigBoom wasn’t listening.  His attention was focused on the way the shiny globes of her tits bounced and jiggled as she floated a few inches off the ground.

“Okay, listen up,” Pihanga ordered.  “This is the plan.  KwinnyBomb, you come with me.  We’ll take out the guards to the left of the bridge.  Schreck and the rest of the k’winny mob will charge the main gate and beat up Waldorf.”

That was the plan?  Charge?  All that drawing in the dirt and that was the best she could come up with.  That was a stupid fucking plan, DaBigBoom thought.

“What about the succubus?” Bob asked.

“DaBigBoom will take care of that,” Pihanga said, again with the crafty gleam in her eye.

DaBigBoom looked at the succubus again.  Or more particularly, at the way her breasts bounced up and down as she floated a few inches above the ground.  He was down with that part of the plan.

“His is the second most important role,” Pihanga said.

“Because if the succubus gets out of that path she’ll cream us all,” Bob whispered to DaBigBoom.

“Fiore will go with him,” Pihanga continued.

DaBigBoom was still looking at the succubus’s bobbing boobs.

“Okay, go!” Pihanga ordered.

She entered the chequerboard at a glowing orange square and moved towards the gate.  The guards watched her scamper towards them with bored expressions.  They didn’t move out of the squares they were standing in.  KwinnyBomb, cartwheels spinning, trundled after her.  They moved four squares and stopped.  Schreck followed next, with the rest of the k’winny mob fanning out behind him.

“This way,” Fiore said, making sure DaBigBoom entered the board through the orange square and then pulling him to the right.

She also walked four squares before stopping abruptly.  DaBigBoom was about to walk past when she held out an arm and stopped him.

“Wait.  We have to wait for our turn to come back around.”

Damn stupid computer game rules.

DaBigBoom looked at the succubus.  She was really hot.  And practically naked.  Her hopelessly-skimpy frayed leather bra was matched by an equally skimpy pair of black panties.  The tan expanse of her flat stomach was exposed as were most of her luscious thighs.  In a perverse attempt to compensate for the acres of skin on display she wore long black gloves that went past her elbows and an equally long pair of kinky black boots that went up past her knees.  DaBigBoom supposed baroque stiletto heels were less of an impracticality if the wearer never had to actually walk in them.

The succubus saw them coming and gave DaBigBoom a sultry smile.  He smiled back and tipped her a saucy wink.  The succubus pouted her full lips and blew DaBigBoom a steamy kiss.  She placed hands underneath her considerable breasts and smooshed them together.  DaBigBoom gulped.

Take care of her?  Yes please.

“Stop flirting with the succubus,” Fiore said.

“Why?  She’s not a hermaphrodite too, is she?” DaBigBoom asked.  He looked down at the floating girl’s crotch for signs of a tell-tale bulge.  All he saw was a rather obvious camel toe that reddened his cheeks.

“No, they’re just really . . . skanky,” Fiore said.

DaBigBoom was fine with skanky.  He looked at the succubus’s teasing smile and bouncing tits.  Especially this kind of skanky.  The succubus stared at him, tossed back her flowing black hair and pulled a series of glamour model poses.

“True love must be pure,” Fiore said, “just like my love for Ruhara.”

She pulled out a scrap of paper and unfolded it to reveal a picture of a demon boy with a long flowing black cape.  Other than the cape the boy was completely naked above the waist and his bare chest was totally exposed.  He carried a sword that was bigger than him.

He also looked about twelve years old.

“He’s post game content for sure,” Fiore said.  “We’ll defeat him, then he’ll join us, then he’ll be mine.”

She clutched the paper to her flat bosom and her face lit up in a way DaBigBoom thought was slightly disturbing.

“Pervert,” he muttered, before turning back to stare at the succubus’s bouncing titties.

“It’s us again,” Fiore said.

She took DaBigBoom’s arm and took them four squares closer to the broken archway at the head of the path.  Another turn and they’d pass under it and be right before the waiting she-demon.  That thought triggered a pleasant little throb in DaBigBoom’s groin.

“Launch k’winnies!” Pihanga yelled.

What the?

DaBigBoom turned around in time to see KwinnyBomb flying through the air in the direction of the guards to the left of the bridge.

“Mateeeeeeee!” KwinnyBomb yelled.

He landed on a square between two guards—skinny looking emo kids with pointed ears—and exploded.

The guards held up arms and grimaced.  Thirty-four in white numbers floated up above their heads.  When the cloud dissipated there was no sign of KwinnyBomb at all.  He’d exploded.  Like a grenade.  Like . . .

. . . a KwinnyBomb.

DaBigBoom thought about the name Pihanga had given him.

He had a bad feeling about this.

Fiore had the build of a slim little teenage girl.  Not the build of someone DaBigBoom would have thought capable of plucking him up off the ground and lifting him right above their head.

“Hey wait,” he said.

Fiore didn’t.  She stretched her arms back and launched him the direction of the succubus with all the force she could muster.

Fuuuuck, DaBigBoom thought as he flew over the broken archway.  The succubus already had her hands up in front of her face.  Fiore had her eyes screwed shut and fingers in her ears.

DaBigBoom hit the ground at the feet of the succubus with a krump.

He didn’t explode.

This seemed to take everyone by surprise.

DaBigBoom awkwardly picked himself back up.  The succubus floated in front of him.  Her smile and the seductive gleam in her eyes—more lustful even than Fiore’s for her underage pin-up—had returned to her face.

“Um . . . hi,” DaBigBoom said.


DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2 will continue next week, where I imagine things will get a lot more steamy.  She has been waiting for four chapters after all . . .

DaBigBoom in HRPG-World: 2-3 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

After a slight pause where I was away last week, here's the third part of Jackson DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2.  Chaos rules.  Attempting to parody something that was already a fairly wicked parody in the first place might not have been my best idea.  Oh well, let's see where it goes.  Hopefully sombody sexy will show up at some point to make up for the anarchy and weirdness at the beginning.


DaBigBoom in HRPG-World 2-3: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

The blonde looked at him.  A puzzled expression was back on her face.

“Hey wait!” she said.  “You’re the—”

Too late.  DaBigBoom had already stepped into the portal.

They warped to a rocky location that somehow managed to look cheerful despite being largely desolate.  The only plants DaBigBoom saw were the twisted remnants of dead trees.

Not quite dead, as it happened, but not exactly alive in any way DaBigBoom expected.  He watched as one of the dead stumps grew spindly arms out of its top and began to shuffle around.  Pihanga absent-mindedly booted it into a nearby pool of bright green acid.  She took out a telescope and surveyed their objective from behind a boulder.

Before them a wide bridge led to an enormous gate at the entrance of a cartoon-scary castle carved into the high stone wall of a cliff.  The gate looked like an enormous mouth and two openings above it looked like burning eyes.  It still looked about as scary as a Scooby Doo cartoon.

The oddest thing to DaBigBoom was the ground.  It was marked out with squares like a giant chessboard.  The pattern covered most of the grounds leading up to the bridge and continued right into the fort.  Some of the squares glowed with a strange light and that same glow lit up odd pyramid sculptures scattered throughout the grounds.  DaBigBoom thought they must serve some purpose within the game although he didn’t have the slightest idea what.

There were guards—more of the strange pointy-eared inhabitants he’d seen walking around back at the castle.  They grumbled and fidgeted, but didn’t leave the squares they were standing in, even though most of the positions they occupied seemed to serve no strategic purpose.

“Okay, equipment,” Pihanga said.

From somewhere, DaBigBoom had no idea where, she pulled out a sack of gear that was bigger than her, Schreck and Fiore combined.

Computer RPG physics, no point in being surprised, DaBigBoom thought.

“You.”  She beckoned to DaBigBoom.  “Time to equip you.  The high HP gear I think.”  There was a gleam in Pihanga’s eye DaBigBoom didn’t like at all.

She threw him a flak jacket that looked more suited to a cop game.  DaBigBoom had no idea what it was doing in a fantasy RPG, but it was armour and DaBigBoom would take any kind of protection.  He put it on.

It also wasn’t the only jacket as Pihanga passed him a second and then a third jacket largely identical to the first.

“Um, I already have a jacket,” DaBigBoom said.

Pihanga ignored him.  So did the world.  Before he even realised it, he was wearing all three jackets on top of each other.  They were uncomfortably warm and DaBigBoom could barely move his arms.  How was he supposed to fight like this?

“Perfect,” Pihanga said.  “Lots of HP.”

Once again, DaBigBoom really didn’t like the gleam in Pihanga’s eye whenever she mentioned ‘HP’.

DaBigBoom felt something rather important had been neglected in the equipping process.

“Aren’t I supposed to have something to fight with?” he asked.

“Fight?”  Pihanga seemed surprised by the question, as if it wasn’t really relevant.  “Oh, take this.”

She rummaged through the sack and came back with a bow so tiny it’d struggle to make even a child’s toy.  DaBigBoom held the undersized bow in his hands.  Now what the fuck was he supposed to do with this?

Pihanga turned her back and went back to observing the fort.  She turned around and began to draw lines in the ground.  She studied them with wrinkled-brow concentration while Schreck watched and gave the occasional nod of his head.  Fiore crouched down and watched Pihanga draw her plans, but didn’t contribute anything other than the occasional giggle.

“You got a bum assignment, mate,” one of the k’winnies, a real battered specimen, said to DaBigBoom.  “She doesn’t have the first clue about tactics.  She should have hired a warrior, mage and cleric by now.  Instead she just keeps throwing us k’winnies into the fray as if it’s still the first level.  It’s hopeless, mate.  I’m OldFart,” the beat-up k’winnie introduced itself.

“DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom replied and then grimaced as he realised that stupid name had slipped out of his mouth again instead of his real name.

OldFart nodded sympathetically.

He introduced the other k’winnines.  “This is Assploder, KwinnyBomb, ShitBlast, Bob—”

“Bob?” DaBigBoom interrupted.

“She hit Enter too quickly on the naming screen, mate,” Bob explained, “and she hasn’t figured out yet how to rename characters.”

“LooserBait,” OldFart finished the introductions, pointing to the last k’winny, who was missing an eye.

“So what’s the objective?” DaBigBoom asked.  If they could complete the mission maybe he could get the fuck out of here.

“Waldorf, mate,” OldFart said.  “The big pile of blubber over there.”

DaBigBoom followed OldFart’s malformed limb and saw a gigantic blue thing just inside the entrance.  It was a big pile of blubber—Jabba the Hut with a pair of tusks.  The thing looked so cumbersome DaBigBoom had no idea how it even moved until he noticed the cord around its midriff that led up to a large balloon with a cartoon cat face on the side of it.  DaBigBoom raised an eyebrow.

“What, the walrus?” he said.

“Leopard seal,” Fiore corrected.  Bored with Pihanga’s battle planning, she’d come over to join them.  “It’s a leopard seal, not a walrus.”  She grinned.

“So the objective is to storm a fortress and kill a wal . . . leopard seal with a giant balloon tied to its arse?” DaBigBoom queried.

Fiore nodded.  “Exciting, isn’t it.”

DaBigBoom wanted out of this stupid game.

“And you guys are happy with this?” DaBigBoom asked.

“Fuck yeah,” Assploder said.

“Waldorf’s a cunt,” Bob said.

“We want the bastard dead,” KwinnyBomb said.

“He kidnaps k’winnies and sells them as toys to children in the human world,” LooserBait said.

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Fiore said.

The k’winnies stared at the angel with stunned expressions.  They obviously regarded being sold to children as a fate worse than death.

“Human children are sweet and adorable,” Fiore said.  “Especially the boys.”  She stared off into space.  “Delicious, scrumptious, cute young boys.”  There was a gleam in her eyes that was most un-angelic.

The k’winnies shook their heads.  “Pervert,” Bob muttered under his breath.

“Tubby isn’t the problem,” OldFart said.  “He’s big and he’s got a lot of hit points, but none of his attacks does much damage.  No, the real problem is her . . . the succubus.”

OldFart pointed down to a pathway that ran off to the right of the bridge.  It wound between dead trees and under a broken archway.  At the end of the path was—

DaBigBoom’s mouth dropped open.

Wow.


Oh hello, somebody sexy.  Come back next week to see if she gets a chance to strut her stuff as I try and get this anarchic beastie back under control.

Print Version of A Succubus for Freedom Out & Other Anthology News

The print version of A Succubus for Freedom and other tales of Obscene Orgies is finally out. You can grab it on Amazon here, or from eXcessica directly here. I live in hope one day I might actually get both the print version and ebook version out on the same day. Sorry for keeping you print lovers waiting. My own copies are winging their way towards me to be added to my Shelf of Books Guests Must Not Read...

I also have a few new stories coming out in eXcessica's fundraising anthologies.

The first, Colors, is out now.


It's an anthology of interracial erotica. I submitted a story about two lovers skinning each other and having sex.

Sometimes I wonder why the good folks of eXcessica put up with me...

The next is back to more familiar territory for me: an anthology of erotic horror tales to chill the bones in time for Halloween.


My story for that one is titled "Crabs" and I believe the anthology will be available on the 12th October.

Warning: Will Make Readers Wince.

Jackson in HRPG-World: 2-2 Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

And a little later than initially planned (the real-life 9-to-5 clobbered me with some things that needed fixing over the weekend), here is the second part of Jackson in HRPG-World 2:


Jackson in HRPG-World 2-2: Exploding Kiwis in the Nether Regions

“Come with me, k’winny,” the stroppy little devil girl ordered.

“Fuck off,” Jackson retorted.

Pihanga pulled out a gun and shot him in the face.

From his position on the floor of the factory Jackson looked up and saw a white number—forty-four—floating up into the darkness beneath the roof. Oh yeah, computer game physics. Boy was he glad for those stupid role-playing game physics. It meant he could be shot right in the face with a gun and it do nothing so long as the damage was less than his total hit points.

He wondered how many hit points he had. Normally he was able to see his full status. Not here for some reason. Maybe this was some kind of intro and the game hadn’t actually started yet.

He got back up to his feet.

Schreck stared at him with his blank fish eyes opened wide. The angel girl had hands on her cheeks. Pihanga was turning her gun over in her hands with a puzzled expression on her face.

“One shot is normally enough to kill a level one k’winny,” she said, looking at her gun suspiciously.

“He doeth theem rather hardy for a k’winny, mithtreth,” Schreck said. “Are you thure—”

“He’s an uber k’winny!” the angel said. She bounced with excitement like a tween standing in line for a Justin Bieber signing. “I told you they had a sixth rank.”

Schreck looked up at the numbers floating away into the darkness of the ceiling. “It doeth theem to potheth an unusually high number of hit pointh.”

At the mention of ‘unusually high number of hit points,’ Pihanga’s pointed ears pricked up and she switched her attentions from the gun to Jackson. Her eyes lit up and her lips curled up in a crafty smile. “High hit points . . .”

She skipped forwards.

“I’m Pihanga, Empress of Elegance and Overlord-to-be of all the Nether Regions. You’ll be a perfect addition to my k’winny mob.”

“Uh . . . okay,” Jackson said.

He didn’t want to test if he had enough hit points to survive a second shot from her gun.

“Good.” Pihanga turned to the side and a giant ghostly blue keypad appeared before her out of thin air. “Now to name you.”

“Um. Actually, I already have a name,” Jackson said.

Pihanga ignored him and tapped keys on the ghostly floating blue keypad. D, a, B, i, g, B . . . Jackson saw letters appear above the keypad.

“There. Perfect,” Pihanga said.

DaBigBoom? What kind of stupid name was DaBigBoom? Only an eight-year-old could come up with a character name as stupid as that.

“Hey. I have a name. I’m—”

Pihanga moved her hand to the bottom right of the screen and tapped the enter button.

“—DaBigBoom,” DaBigBoom finished.

He paused. Wait, that wasn’t right. His name was DaBigBoom not DaBigBoom.

Huh?

No. His. Name. Was. DaBigBoom.

DaBigBoom tried again, but every time he thought of his name, DaBigBoom came up instead of DaBigBoom.

This sucks, DaBigBoom thought.

“Come along, DaBigBoom,” Pihanga said. “We have the Nether Regions to conquer.”

“And then it’s the Post Game content,” the angel said, jumping up and down with girlish excitement.

DaBigBoom looked at them—the trashy devil girl, the blue-haired angel, and the cartoon Nosferatu caricature. What kind of insane game had he fallen into? Shaking his head, he followed them out of the factory.

He walked out onto a landscape somewhere between Burton and Bosch. A spooky castle with spires sticking out at odd angles pierced the sky. Scattered around them were vast lakes of molten orange lava.

“Where are we?” DaBigBoom asked.

“These are the Nether Regions, home to demons, monsters and k’winnies containing the souls of mortals that sinned during their lives in the Living World,” the angel said.

“So hell, basically,” DaBigBoom said. “Hey, what was that about k’winnies?”

“Anyone who sinned during their life is reincarnated in the form of a k’winny. They must work off the debt their sinning incurred during their life before they can be reincarnated back to the Living World. In heaven we set them all kinds of boring tasks to do. In the Nether Regions it’s much better. They get to fight for the glory of the Overlord!” The angel finished with a rousing flourish.

DaBigBoom looked at her fluffy white wings and white robes. “Heaven? Are you an angel?”

“Trainee,” the girl said. “I’m Angel Student Fiore. Or was,” she said, her nose wrinkling into a grimace. “They kicked me out for downloading shota porn.”

Her breezy smile returned.

“I don’t mind. It’s far more exciting down here. We get to go on missions and kill people.”

DaBigBoom didn’t know what to say to that.

They walked into the castle and DaBigBoom was surrounded by a motley collection of monsters—rotting zombies, hunched over dragons shuffling on their hind legs, lions with scorpion tails and even girls standing inside giant roses. It was odd, weird, but not very scary. More Jim Henson than Nightmare on Elm Street.

The girls in the roses were also kinda hot and not wearing much more than a few strategically positioned bits of foliage. One of them winked at DaBigBoom and blew him a kiss.

“They’re hermaphrodites,” Fiore whispered in his ear.

DaBigBoom’s hand froze mid-wave.

“I’m not sure what they’re doing here either. They’re not supposed to appear until the sequels,” Fiore continued, making absolutely no sense again.

Pihanga made her way to the main hall. A spear stood in the centre of room. At first DaBigBoom thought there was a severed, moustachioed head impaled on the spear. Impaled so hard the point came right out of the top of the skull. The head seemed surprisingly well preserved. Then Pihanga picked the spear up, the head’s eyes flicked open and DaBigBoom realised the head was actually part of the spear itself.

“Hey, unhand me!” the spear complained in a prissy voice.

Piihanga ignored it and tapped the shaft loudly on the stone floor. “Subjects!” she called out. “The throne of the Overlord will soon be mine. Join me and share in the glory!”

The weird inhabitants ignored her and carried on with what they were doing.

“Join me for a share of the loot?” Pihanga tried again.

That got the attention of some of the inhabitants, but only briefly before they waved their hands dismissively at her and walked away laughing.

Pihanga’s nostrils flared. She looked like a teenage girl in a strop because her parents wouldn’t let her go to the party.

“K’WINNY MOB!” she bellowed, banging the butt of the spear so hard onto the ground the moustachioed head complained in a camp whine.

A motley crew of yellow bird-doll-things emerged, grumbling, from the shadows. They looked even worse for wear than the Frankenstein’s abominations DaBigBoom had seen on the factory conveyer belt. They looked like they’d been repeatedly torn apart and then stitched back up again by someone with only a passing familiarity with what they’d originally looked like.

“We’re going to take on Cook Canyon again, and this time I want 150 percent.”

The k’winnies collectively groaned.

“We need more soldiers, mate,” one of them griped.

“We have more soldiers,” Pihanga said. “This is Private DaBigBoom.”

The k’winnies looked at DaBigBoom and for a moment their grumbling was silenced.

“Is he a player?” one whispered.

“What was that!” Pihanga said.

The offending k’winny gave an eep. They all shuffled backwards.

“I’m the player,” Pihanga said. “I’m the main character. This is my game. I’m the star. Me. Me alone. Pihanga, the Empress of Elegance and Overlord-to-be.”

She swung the spear like a golf club and the quavering k’winny vanished up over one of the balconies with a plaintive wail.

“Now we’re back down to the same number of soldiers as before, mate,” another of the k’winnies muttered, this time quiet enough for Pihanga not to hear.

“Follow me!” Pihanga ordered. “This time we will beat that level.”

“She’s not really the main character,” Fiore whispered to DaBigBoom after Pihanga had marched in the direction of one of the side exits. “It’s me.” She gave a girlish giggle and followed Pihanga.

Madhouse, DaBigBoom thought, shaking his head as he followed the others.

They walked through a crazy marketplace. Skinny kids with anime-spiky hair sold swords that were far too large and impractical for any normal—or even large—person to wield. DaBigBoom saw the entrance to a tent with a bleeding red cross stitched above the opening. Moans and groans emanated from within. A cute girl in some kind of traditional Japanese dress stood in the entrance and smiled at DaBigBoom. As he walked by he saw she was holding a hacksaw with clumps of hair and flesh stuck to the serrated blade.

They reached a short staircase that led up to a bright blue swirl of light about as big as a door. More computer game physics. DaBigBoom assumed it was some kind of portal that led somewhere else. Standing next to the portal was a gorgeous blonde girl with elf ears sticking out of her long hair. She held a gnarled wooden staff and wore flowing green robes. She looked bored.

Pihanga walked up to the foot of the steps. “Cook Canyon,” she said.

“Again?” the blonde girl said.

“We’re going to defeat Waldorf this time,” Pihanga said.

“You said that last time,” the blonde said, “and the time before that, and the time before that, and the thirteen other times before that.”

“My k’winny mob has increased in experience,” Pihanga said.

“Your k’winny mob is falling to bits,” the blonde said.

Pihanga gave her a crafty smile. “Ah, but this time I have a secret weapon,” she motioned to DaBigBoom.

The blonde peered at DaBigBoom. For a moment her brow furrowed as though she wasn’t quite sure of what she was looking at, and then she spotted the yellow hat and gave a disappointed sigh.

“It’s just another k’winny,” she said. “You need to recruit some proper monsters with classes. You can’t expect to beat the middle levels with only k’winnies.”

“K’winnies are cheap and easy to maintain,” Pihanga said.

“K’winnies are useless.”

The k’winnies quarked and harrumphed their disapproval.

“Do as you’re ordered and send us to Cook Canyon,” Pihanga said.

The blonde sighed. She waved her staff and the portal flared a brighter blue colour. “As you command, oh great and powerful Overlord . . .” Pihanga walked up the steps and jumped into the swirling blue vortex. “. . . to-never-be,” the blonde finished as Pihanga vanished from view.

Fiore and the vampire, Schreck, went next, followed by the battered k’winnies. DaBigBoom considered running off in the opposite direction, but that might mean he’d be stuck in this lunatic role-playing game forever . . . as DaBigBoom.

Fuck it. The quicker he completed it, the quicker he could get the fuck out of here. He walked up the steps.

The blonde looked at him. A puzzled expression was back on her face.

“Hey wait!” she said. “You’re the—”

Too late. DaBigBoom had already stepped into the portal.


I knew I should have left that game alone. What's happening? They've usurped my main character and changed his name. Isn't there supposed to be some pr0n somewhere?

Come back next week for part 3 (there may be some sex somewhere - I hope!)